Don't Piss Where You Work

Your appearance and body language tell me you're not originally from the U.S. and you probably haven't been here for long. Congratulations on finding that gardening job and welcome to the country, but for your sake, I have one small and important piece of friendly advice: DON'T PISS IN THE BUSHES! And don't piss anywhere outdoors where people can see you, especially if you're wearing an attention-getting, bright-orange work vest! I've lived in another country where peeing in the street is fairly common, so although it's still kind of gross, it's not such a big deal with me if you need to relieve yourself behind a bush. But you may find that U.S. law sees things very differently and can be quite humorless and unforgiving on this matter, which means that some self-righteous idiot might see you, just as I did, and call the police, and then you'll get tangled up in the American legal system on an indecent-exposure charge and possibly mislabeled as a sex offender for eternity. Next time, find the restroom to try to prevent your American Dream from going down the toilet.


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