Nov. 13: Put 'em up!
Nov. 13: Put 'em up!

Diary of a Mad County

Wednesday, Nov. 8
Well the numbers are in and a collective shudder goes through the country as we brace for a time of change, a time of newness and differentness, and we wonder if all of this will lead to betterness? It is a time that, well, I'll just say it: tonight's special episode of The O.C. draws its lowest ratings ever. The 1.5 among adults 18 to 49 years of age places the show fourth in its time slot, behind CSI: Raleigh-Durham, Deal, No Deal or Colonoscopy, and John Bolton's Funky Fresh Fun Factory. Things are not going well for the show. You may recall that the character of Marissa was killed off in last year's final episode and a lot of fans blame her death for the show's low ratings, as well as their own diminished will to live. "OC is the best show in the world and it can't end!" writes Ashley on fansite "America please watch Fox so that the ratings go up. It's a great show even though one of the main characters is gone. So just give its [sic] a chance!" Far more measured was Swifty. He/she referenced Sir Thomas More's argument against recognizing Henry VIII as head of the Anglican Church, reasoning, "the oc is damn well the best show on television.i really don't remember life before it.cancel the oc,you cancel me watching tv and living miserably for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That produced this stunning rebuke from Jon: "i'm a faggot." And that produced this stunning rebuke from Jon: "ok btw, who ever is 'jon' i didnt say that, im not a faggot, i love the OC. its prolly some guy who hates me on this site, i dont know why but whatever, i didnt say im a faggot." Neither did Sir Thomas More . . . wait.

Thursday, Nov. 9
For about five minutes, the city of Anaheim is in the running to be the new home of the San Francisco 49ers. Owner John York informs San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom today that he will no longer negotiate with the city for a new stadium and will move his team to another California city. He says Anaheim—yeah, that Anaheim—is a top candidate. It would only be fitting. I remember covering Rams games in the '80s, back when the 'Niners were the top organization in football, and driving into Anaheim Stadium to find 49er fans positioned at the entrance flipping the bird and speaking the filthiest trash this side of a Barry Manilow concert. Rams fans didn't say a thing since, you know, they were Rams fans. Now it seemed Anaheim would get the last laugh—and then York announces that he's moving the team to Santa Clara, which apparently is located somewhere in California, you know, like Brea.

Friday, Nov. 10
After my searing expos, um, exposed the fact that the end of Borat—the scene involving star Sacha Baron Cohen and Pam Anderson—was staged, Pam Anderson finally comes clean. She writes on her website, "Of course Sasha [sic] and I planned this years ago. And it turned out perfect—I'm so happy for him." Now that we've answered that question, what about bigger things, like, say, what is the point of existence? Coincidentally, you can find the answer to that one on Pam's website, too. "The most liberating thing I've done lately," she reveals, "is learn to do my own makeup."

Saturday, Nov. 11
Not bragging, but I've been doing my own makeup, and spelling, for years.

Sunday, Nov. 12
You know we've become a micro-society when the big anticipation of the day is not for The Simpsons but for the 60-second Simpsons movie trailer.

Monday, Nov. 13
We had a little wager going here in the office, to wit: How many days after the election until gas prices go up? You all know the correct answer is zero, since gas prices went up on Election Day. I remember coming out of my polling place—where I do some of my best polling—looking up and seeing that my Arco station of choice, where prices had dropped steadily for a couple months, had for the first time raised prices from 2.19 to 2.23 a gallon. If you think this was just coincidence, you missed R. ScottMoxley's election-night entry on our blog: "Your hunch at the gas pump was right. In advance of recent federal elections, oil companies seemed to have lowered gas prices—a move that's benefited the party in power: Republicans. But now there's conclusive evidence that you weren't nuts. The good folks over at the Foundation for Taxpayer and Consumer Rights released data demonstrating that oil companies sharply reduced gas prices in the months before the last three federal elections. After the Republicans retained their political power in the 2002 and 2004 elections, gas prices rose, according to the data. 'This pattern of the last three election years is an indication that motorists who smell something fishy in the rollercoaster prices they've endured this year may be on to something,' said FTCR President Jamie Court. 'The rise to record high gasoline prices this spring unleashed a wave of justified criticism of bloated oil company profits. Now the price drop in the pre-election period, by a percentage well beyond reductions in the price of oil, smells just as bad.' Oil industry lobbyists—fearful that Democrats might launch probes into price-fixing allegations—have made no secret of their desire for Republicans to retain power of Congress. The industry has given a whopping $80 million to national Republican candidates in just thelast six years. In current races for Congress, nearly 85 percent of oil bidness money has been funneled to GOP lawmakers. But the biggest gift to Republicans was at the pumps. Wall Street oil analyst Andy LaPerriere admitted to a national TV audience last week, 'You see what appears to be almost a perfect correlation that the president's approval is really driven by gas prices.' Still, LaPerriere says it's 'preposterous' for anyone to believe the lower prices are anything more than a coincidence."

Tuesday, Nov. 14
The South African parliament passes legislation today recognizing same-sex marriages. South Africa. Lemme just repeat that, South Africa. So the United States now trails in social progress a nation that until recently didn't recognize black people's right to exist, where children have been killed because they are thought to possess magical powers and where witch doctors have been known to kill people and eat their brains. That last bit came from a friend of mine so I'm not sure of its accuracy, but the point is SOUTH AFRICA! Not everyone there is happy about the legislation, though. Christian lawmaker Kenneth Meshoe said it was the "saddest day in our 12 years of democracy" and warned that South Africa "was provoking God's anger." Uh, Ken, if God is pissed off at South Africa, it ain't because two guys can register for stemware.


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