Boarderline Personalities

Matt Bors

You're the two knuckleheads who were surfing the pier last weekend. But calling what you were doing "surfing" would make the great Duke Kahanamoku turn over in his grave, so let's just settle on "wave raging." With your cutting-edge "paddle around the back of the dude who has the wave" technique, you bogarted just about every surfable wave that came through—and had something threatening to say to anyone who dared to catch one. Top that with comments about "accidentally" shooting your boards into people, and you guys make the word "douche" sound like a compliment. Do us all a favor: If you can read, have a glance at Shaun Tomson's book Surfer's Code—or at least have someone read it to you before one of you dipshits really hurts someone.

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