5 Ways to Party in Downtown Fullerton and Be Douche-Free

After Halloween in Downtown Fullerton, you'll never be the same again
After Halloween in Downtown Fullerton, you'll never be the same again
Ed Carrasco

We give Downtown Fullerton a ton of flack, but we truly do love it. Despite a handful of horrendous events, most nights go by with no more drama than a passing cat fight. Here's how we do DTF...

1. Stay on the Periphery

Crazy, crazy, crazy
Crazy, crazy, crazy
From my "Downtown Fullerton Series"

On Friday, Saturday, and sometimes even Thursday night, the center of downtown is madness. It looks like Bourbon St. in Nawlins (especially Bourbon Street), and while we do love Hurricanes and Live! Nudes!, both places come with their dangers if you visit during the busiest times.

You can still visit Fullerton on the weekends, but stick with bars along the perimeter. Hopscotch, Steamers, The Cellar, and Bootlegger's Brewery tend to be mellower and you don't have to navigate the insane crowds. The only exception is Mulberry Street, where locals hang out.

2. Avoid Puffy Chest Dudes

Bros, bros, bros
Bros, bros, bros
From my "Downtown Fullerton Series"

See that guy over there? Does he have his game face on? Is he staring around the room like he's looking for somebody? Are his fists clenched? Do we all know he's compensating for...something? RUN!

Male or female, don't interact with these idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, manhood, masculinity--it's not worth it and no one cares if you fought some dude.

3. Realize the Gummy Bear Shot is a Bad Idea

Or this is your destiny
Or this is your destiny
From my "Downtown Fullerton Series"

Listen, I know, not everyone wants to taste their alcohol. Sometimes people just want candy to get them drunk instead. But you're not five; you're over 21, so buck the fuck up. All those crazy shots taste like artificial turd beverage, and no one woke up after a night of pounding them and said, "I can't wait to do that again!" You don't want to be the basic bitch vomiting in the corner.  

4. If You're a Man, Flirt with Extreme Caution

Or, be this guy (or girl)
Or, be this guy (or girl)
From my "Downtown Fullerton Series"

We can't tell you not to look for tail in Downtown, but we can tell you to be aware of the people around the girl. Before you approach, watch her and her friends for a few minutes. If she's out with ladies, then feel free to be a gentlemen, but if you see any dudes that look like they've already swooped (see #2), then back away slowly. You don't need a quarrel with a guy who has something to prove.

5. Keep All Your Clothes On

Or, get a visit from these guys
Or, get a visit from these guys
From my "Downtown Fullerton Series"

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It's....a strange thing how many discarded clothes end up in Downtown. You'd think bitches would want to keep that sparkly tank top they just bought from Forever 21. Getting naked is all well and good, and when you're drunk, it's quite fun, but no chick wakes up the morning after and thinks about how awesome it was that her shirt disappeared in the parking lot. Save yourself the future embarrassment--and money!

BONUS 6.

This should be law by now, but don't let your drink leave your hand, ever. And if it has been out of your sight--chuck it and order another. Be safe and we'll see you on the periphery!

Email: lphastings@ocweekly.com. Be buddies with LP on Facebook or Instagram @lp_hastings.

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