5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

As our man Kevin Short tells you here, Rick Warren, tweeted this week that his eyes "were severely burned by a toxic poison" during a gardening mishap that nearly blinded Saddleback Church's Purpose Driven® pastor.

We not only ain't buying this explanation--and by "we" I mean "Spencer Kornhaber," "Gustavo Arellano," "Megan Brescini" and "I"--we've come up with the following more plausible explanations for Warren temporarily going all Stevie Wonder on us.

5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

He flashed back to that time backstage at his Lake Forest mega-church when he saw men kissing!

5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

No! Men saddlebacking!

5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

He's jealous of all the attention Glenn Beck is getting since announcing that he may be going blind and thought he'd get in on that eye action.
 

5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

While deep in the Saddleback bowels, he forgot to turn away after opening the crate holding the Ark of the Covenant.

5 More Plausible, Purpose-Driven Explanations for Pastor Rick Warren Nearly Going Blind

He didn't listen when his mama told him to knock it off or he'd go blind.


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