How to Be a Rockabilly Guy
• -Make sure grime is embedded under your fingernails at all times; claim it's from working on your '49 Merc.
• -Learn to recognize the subtle textural and aromatic distinctions between Royal Crown, Dixie Peach and Murray's pomades; discuss in depth amongst peers.
• -Black-leather jackets, fishnet stockings, rumbles, tattoos, hot rods, and girls named "Betty Lou" or "Effie Mae" must be incorporated into any song deemed acceptable listening.
• -Drink cheap, piss-tasting domestic beer from a can; speak derisively of all superior brands as "beer in a green bottle."
• -Be a hardcore Republican, even though you earn minimum wage at your gas-station job and can't name the current vice president.
• Attend a show at the Doll Hut; glare menacingly at anyone who doesn't look like you.
• -Claim you always hated the Stray Cats; hide Cats logo you had tattooed on your chest at age 16.
• Steel guitars are acceptable only when lacking pedals.
• -Refuse to listen to black performers or acknowledge R&B's influence on rock & roll, which was single-handedly begat by Elvis.
• -If balding, shave your dome and become a skinhead instead of a rockabilly. Now you can openly hate black people!
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.