Club RubberThis SaturdayGalaxy Concert Theatre

Photo by Jeanne Rice11:30 p.m. Enter through the superexclusive, secret back gate as two guys are carried out. Prone. By cops. Looks to be a good night! An unattractive, bleached-hair guy sucking a lollipop laughs at me in that high-pitched sneering way when I tell him I was in front of him in line. But not everyone's a dick: another guy confirms that I was in line, asks me to dance, and then leaves after a couple of songs! Don't you love it when people give you your space instead of hanging around like many-

tentacled octopuses?

11:40 p.m. Ihaven't seen one woman here who isn't a pro; since photog Jeanne Rice and I are also here for business, that means every chick in the place is working. Interesting!

11:46 p.m. A woman in white marabou feathers makes out on the sidelines with a guy.

11:53 p.m. Another woman in white marabou feathers makes out on the sidelines with a different guy.

12:15 a.m. A third woman in white marabou feathers makes out on the sidelines with another guy. I think. By the way, tonight's theme is "White." The dress code for guys is gleaming new wifebeaters not yet stained yellow with sweat. Luckily, I haven't seen anyone in hooded sheets.

12:17 a.m. A woman is wearing white vinyl boots. I bet her feet are really sweaty and gross.

12:22 a.m. Anyone's Riz Story is projecting his T&A masterpiece, Togetherment, from the smoking patio onto the side of the building. He is surrounded by a circle of friends, including one of the film's stars, Natasha, who is really, really nice and made her white crushed-velvet dress herself. Long Beach Dub All Star Ras is here; oddly, he is very polite and not shouting, "Titties!!!" Team Punishment is here, too. It's a cavalcade of Ultimate Fighters.

12:50 a.m. DJ Danny Love is holding forth in the smaller bar; hanging out in his booth are such VIPs as Memphis co-owner Dan Bradley. Love forsakes the hip-hop for some soul and groove. Dig it! Sadly, though, the big cute men have forsaken the room and been replaced by short, ugly men. A change of venue leads back to the throbbing techno room.

12:59 a.m. Cute guys have a better attitude when you saucily walk away from them than ugly guys do.

1:31 a.m. Parking-lot fun! Mad Trashy Brunette: We paid $10 for preferred parking! What the fuck is wrong with you guys? We've been waiting 25 fucking minutes! Fucking A! Fucking idiots! [she sneers as she says the kind of Mercedes-Benz it is, something with lots of letters and numbers in the title] You fucking jerks can't get it together?

Weaving Guy: [to another girl waiting patiently for valet] Don't grind your teeth like that! You have beautiful teeth! Girl: I'm not. Second guy: Do you know that guy? Girl: No. Weaving Guy: I'm waiting for my Mercedes, too. These guys are dicks. Well, it's my girlfriend's Mercedes. Well, she's not my girlfriend. I drive an Acura. OC Weekly: Oh, where do you work? Weaving Guy: At the Vons in Laguna Niguel [grabs my hip; I turn away]. What, are you dogging me 'cause you're materialistic? OCWeekly: No, I'm dogging you because you're drunk. Weaving Guy: I'm not drunk! [grabs theWeekly's left breast] OCWeekly: You know what? Please don't touch me! Weaving Guy: Bitch.

The whole exchange is actually pretty fun. And the valets are really cute. Everyone's a winner!

Club Rubber goes down at the Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (949) 224-3006. Sat., 9 p.m. $10. This week's theme: Burnin' Rubber.

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