“What are the odds?” says Big Business bassist Jared: hand-picked closing act was Long Beach's Big Muscles, apologetic and awed at sharing the bill. Seemed like a natural time to get down to science, so we found out who's got the bigger muscles and who's got the bigger, er, business. Muscles measured around the bicep and businesses measured limp (limp, ladies, so don't get catty!) straight down the crotch line unless noted.
WARREN THOMAS, not officially in Big Muscles, but was onstage with a mic the whole set for some reason
MUSCLE: 13″
BUSINESS: 4.25″
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: “Make sure you put in parentheses limp.”
MARTY SATAMAN, bass, Big Muscles
MUSCLE: 12″
BUSINESS: 4″
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: “It's cold in here.”
SCOTT CORNISH, drums, Big Muscles
MUSCLE: 12″
BUSINESS: “Three mighty inches,” says tape-measure girl.
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: “I have a really big truck, if that counts.”
NATE WALTON, guitar, Big Muscles
MUSCLE: a little under 12″
BUSINESS: 6″ (“and maybe a quarter”), but Nate would only be measured at, er, full bloom.
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: “It sucks my boner went down when I ran over here.”
COADY WILLIS, drums, Big Business
MUSCLE: 12″
BUSINESS: “Just put huge.”
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: “I don't know if it's presentable.”
JARED WARREN, bass, Big Business
MUSCLE: 15″
BUSINESS: 7″ through jeans
EXCUSE FOR SIZE OF BUSINESS: Nate Walton says, “That's a finger!”
(Rex Reason; measurements by Farron Feiner)
