Thurs/Mar 25 ChopShop, an OC-based film-and-video post-production house, is throwing an invite-only opening for artworks by Pelle. It's catered, with vodka from Stockholm Kristall and a vitamin-water bar from their "hydrologist." So here's what you do: if you're a man, tell the girl with the list you're Liev Schreiber and you're a famous Hollywood star. Nobody is quite sure what he looks like anyway. Just be sure to be really, really rude so she'll believe you. If you're a woman, tell her you're me. 7-10 p.m. 2082 Business Center Dr., Irvine.
Fri Hey, kids! Help the rich socialites of Choc Follies VIII cure some cancer or something like that in this benefit for Children's Hospital of OC! Aren't you sick of all those other galas for the Orangewood Children's Home? Aren't you tired of shelling out for those annoying orphans? Do they really need that second bowl of gruel? Well, this isn't for them, so ha! Even more exciting, "Blast Through the Past: A Musical Time Travel Trip" will feature a special appearance by Dick Van Dyke. Chim-chim-cheree! Since the area's socialites (and the OC Business Journal's Rick Reiff) will be providing the rest of the completely amateur entertainment, don't forget: it's considered unseemly to wince and even unseemlier to vomit. 8 p.m.; also Sat., 2 & 8 p.m. $25-$125. Grove of Anaheim, 2200 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 532-8690 or (714) 712-2700; www.chochospital.org. Sat Last time my editor and I presented an award at the OC Music Awards, I had this hilarious idea to riff on the then-recent Academy Awardsat which Michael Moore had gotten all wonky and anti-war, so I had my editor start going off on the war, and then I started booing. See, I was making fun of the people who had been booing. . . . Yeah, you're right. It was stupid. This time when we present, we're just gonna stand there and look pretty. 8 p.m. $20-$25. All ages. Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.galaxytheatre.com. Sun Last time I saw Australian balladeers The Church, they were playing Doheny Days on the beach in Dana Point—and they were sneering that they'd never seen so many people in bathing suits in their lives. Really? They don't wear bathing suits in Australia—when they're at the beach?Up to that point, as a girl who was 14 in 1987, I loved the Church. "Under the Milky Way"still gets me hot and itchy, and unlike the rest of the universe, I can even sing their other songs. Nonetheless, I thought that was awfully weenie. 8 p.m. $23.50. All ages. Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; www.thecoachhouse.com. Mon Oh, have we been hearing things about Club Obsessions, the "naughty fetish party" Monday nights at the Frat House. Ooo, oooh! But we can't tell you the things we've been hearing because printing such rumors would probably be actionable, and our lawyers are really, really tired of me getting us sued. One of these days, we'll head over and witness things for ourselves; when you're talking libel, after all, truth is an absolute defense. 9:30 p.m. $5. 8112 Garden Grove Blvd., Garden Grove, (714) 373-FRAT. Tues Before you see Brett Bixby (of the Long Beach Bixbys) play, you think he's just another greasy-haired heir to the Bixby (of the Long Beach Bixbys) fortune. But the singer and pianist for Twelve Hour Maryis in fact the least dilettante deb in town. His songs are masterpieces in minor chords, beautiful and heartwrenching and literate in loss. He plays with Rocco Deluca and Adam's Castleat the bar that's become Long Beach South. 9 p.m. $5-$8. 21+. The Gypsy Lounge, 23600 Rockfield Blvd., Ste. 3A, Lake Forest, (949) 206-9990; www.thegypsylounge.com. Wed Today is your last day to see Big Fish, Small Pot: An International Small Teapot Competition. Since the Long Beach Museum of Art finally got itself a new, teapotless exhibit after what seemed like nine years, well, it seems we kind of miss it. We're just kidding! No, we don't! Noon-4 p.m. Saddleback Art Gallery, 28000 Marguerite Pkwy., Mission Viejo, (949) 582-4924. Thurs/April 1 Got children? Take them to The Glory of Easter at the Crystal Cathedral, where they can see the Easter Bunny as he's crucified, dies and is buried, and in three days rises again from the dead. You know, I see this plot pretty frequently; it's an urban legend that no sitcom writer (or, apparently, the Reverend Robert Schuller) can seem to keep his grubby mitts offa. See, there's these awful neighbors, and the good neighbors' dog kills the awful neighbors' Easter Bunny. So the good (though misguided) neighbors decide they don't want any part of that shitstorm and they wash and blow-dry the bunny and put it back in its hutch, but then it turns out the bunny was already dead, and the dog had just dug it up, and the bad neighbors think the Easter Bunny is possessed! It's all very complicated, and I wish sitcoms would freakin' stop with it already. Glory be. 6:30 & 8:30 p.m.; also Fri.-Sat. & Mon.-Wed., 6:30 & 8:30 p.m.; Sun., 7:30 p.m. Through April 10. $18-$48. Crystal Cathedral, 12141 Lewis St., Garden Grove, (714) 54-GLORY or (714) 971-4065.