I used to go see this hairstylist—let’s call her Stephanie. Her cuts weren’t that bad, just a little overpriced. But reliable. The only thing that bothered me? Her giant implants smacked me in the head with every turn she made. So I stopped seeing her.
But then I realized: That was probably the kind of thing that would make some dudes continue going to a stylist. Not for talent. Or for the cut. Just the boobs. (And, actually, this was confirmed not too long ago by guy friends who also went to see, uh, Stephanie. Now they call her Stephanie Boobs.)
So, when I came across a post card advertising the Sport Clips franchise not too long ago, it looked as though Hooters had expanded into the men’s-haircutting business. It’s a franchise whose very ideal speaks to the most primitive aspect of (some) men, but it’s called a “Slam-Dunk Business Story.” Headquartered in Georgetown, Texas, Sport Clips currently has more than 680 storefronts across America, and Entrepreneur even listed the company in the top 100 largest franchises in America and in the top 50 fastest-growing franchises.
Murals of stadiums line the walls, along with plenty of lockers for storage, and that post card I saw promised attractive gals in referee outfits, other really masculine-looking males, flat-screen televisions glowing with various games—one giant man cliché everywhere. A Hawleywood’s for the jock set.
Many of the men in my life would stick to the childhood haircut they received while standing on the kitchen floor if they could: cheap, fast, easy, no effort. Then there are the slightly better ones who visit their local Supercuts for the 15-minute, $20-including-tip, buzz-and-shoo-out-the-door. And on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there are the ones who pay $100 for basic cuts from a stylist named Cindee who offers you warm, eucalyptus-scented towels and half-hearted scalp massages.
Sport Clips tries for the happy medium. For $17, you can get the basic cut, which includes a consultation with a “Guy-Smart Stylist.” For $23, however, you can get the MVP Haircut, which includes the consultation, haircut, massaging shampoo, “Legendary Hot Steamed Towel,” leave-in conditioner, and neck and shoulder massages. Sit down, get yourself pampered in a “masculine” (grunt) setting, watch the game (or games. Whatever), pay up and leave. Do guys really go for this kind of thing? Apparently.
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Or you could just stick with seeing Stephanie Boobs.
Sport Clips has various Orange County locations. Visit sportclips.com for details.
This column appeared in print as "The Hooters of Hair Cutters."