There's really no way to classy-up the Huntington Harbour Cruise of Lights—it's pretty much booze and porn stars everywhere you go. But if you want to try, damn it—try—then taking the plunge with the Huntington Harbour Philharmonic Committee while they narrate a 45-minute boat tour is probably the way to go. 6, 7 & 8 p.m. $8-$12. Huntington Harbour, off Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (714) 840-7542; www.philharmonicsociety.org/show50.htm.
Mike Martt of Tex and the Horseheads and Thelonious Monster hosts a benefit for the Wooten Center and coaxes our friend Dave Alvin, who no longer returns our calls even though we once had a cat named after him and everything, to perform. Peter Case does, too, but we don't know him or nothing. The Wooten Center is a nice place for poor children and families in LA. That's nice. 9 p.m. DiPiazza, 5205 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 498-2461; www.dipiazzas.com.
The Hunger Artists pay homage to the "most overdone, out-of-date and just plain hackneyed productions in the American theater canon" with their Last Chance Festival. The beloved plays include The Odd Couple, Barefoot in the Park, Steel Magnolias, Sing Out, The Diary of Anne Frank, Hamlet and Grease. No Taming of the Shrewdone '50s doo-wop style? Sad me! 11 p.m. $10. The Hunger Artists Theater Co., 699-A S. State College Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 680-6803.
War on hunger, not on people! Join the San Clemente Food Not Bombs Protest. (Also? This is one of your last chances to do something for others before Jesus comes back and kicks your ass.) 3 p.m. Max Berg Plaza Park, 1100 Calle Puente, San Clemente.
It's time once again to indoctrinate the kids at the family-friendly meeting of the Patrick Henry Democratic Club! Hell, no, we won't go! No blood for oil! Give us a turkey club, or give us death! 7:30 p.m. Mimi's Caf, 17231 E. 17th St., Tustin; patrickhenrythinktank.org.
Take some you time, and check out "Vessels" by Joe Diebes. Visually, the installation just loops some images of people standing outside, but the sound component of the work is very spare and otherworldly, and it strings you out for quite a while after you're bored with the film. There's also Grand Central's concurrent offering, James Hills' "Hangin' In Like Gunga Din," which is been-done collage but with some terrific black-and-white photos. Then go ahead and shop some more: there's a pretty good 99 Cent Store off Main and 17th. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Free. Grand Central Art Center, 125 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 567-7233; www.grandcentralartcenter.com.
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And for a pairing we never thought we'd see: the Mouse House of Blues presents Ronnie Spector ("Be My Baby") with The Muffs ("Stupid Jerk"). What, Dean Martin and Korn couldn't make it because Dean Martin is dead? 7:30 p.m. $27.50. All ages. House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583.
There's no place for Christmas like the concrete, cavernous Alex's Bar. Their Christmas Party benefits the Long Beach Rescue Mission and will rock you en espaol with performances by the greatest band of masked Mexican wrestlers ever, Los Mysteriosos, which is so appropriate if you think of them as the Virgin Birth. So pony up five bucks (or more!) for the poor folk, and you will go to heaven. 8 p.m. 21+. 2913 E. Anaheim Blvd., Long Beach, (562) 434-8292.