DEAR MEXICAN: I'm asking this question for my best friend, who also happens to be my ex-girlfriend. Both she and her guy are educated Mexican-Americans. She moved in with her fiancé, and the problem is that his parents also live there. His overbearing mom has seven dogs and numerous chickens; still does everything for her “baby,” such as making his lunch every day and cleaning the room he shares with my ex; and offers her “ranchito” advice on everything. Contrary to what she said earlier, the mom has told her that she will not move until her son asks her.
Now, they might try to buy a duplex so they can at least have some privacy or even a second home. The mother tries to make her feel guilty by saying it is normal in Mexico and how her son loves the house he worked so hard to buy. My ex has lived there close to a year and is pushing her boyfriend to make a tough decision—or she is moving out. Her fiancé might be in the worst position because he will lose his girl (my ex), evict his mom (probably to an okay apartment), or need to move into a duplex or buy a second house. Can you tell me what you think is the right thing to do? ¡Gracias!
Ex-Novio de una Mexicana Maravillosa
DEAR EX-BOYFRIEND OF A MARVELOUS MEXICAN WOMAN: Why do I suspect your ex has nothing to do with this question, that you're just looking for my okay to break them up so you can whip out your Mexican thing? Go for it, as your ex's fiancé is already on the way out; assimilated women will never understand the hold a mami has on her son and will never accept that a man can still be an adult even if his mom insists on washing his chonis every week because the damn gal in his life doesn't use enough Suavitel. Your ex should be content with the fact her guy owns a house in this millennial era and that she has a potential suegra that'll offer free babysitting for life (go ask gabachos who live far away from their parents how much babysitting costs)—but she isn't. So you have my blessing, Ex-Novio: Break 'em up. Just remember, though, that the mujer will soon start asking you why you love your mom so, so have fun with your pinche novela.
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DEAR MEXICAN: As a proud Tex-Mex, I've always heard huevos used to describe anyone with brass, but huevón to describe a lazy ass. How can that be? Shouldn't a huevón be a Super-Mex?
Living in Seizure World
DEAR POCHO: You'd think, right? But while praising someone's testicular fortitude is an almost-universal compliment, you don't want your balls too big in Mexico, as that pegs you as animalistic—e.g., stupid. So that's why huevón (big-balled) means lazy, similar to the Argentine boludo and the Chicano #fucktrump—except Trump's balls are as big as his hands.