I've always been a bit weirded out that the farmers' market near UCI is something of a tourist attraction. I understand the Santa Monica Wednesday market (it's huge) and the Hollywood market (it's in Tourist Central), but Irvine? Nevertheless, the parking lot fills up with out-of-state plates as folks from all over ogle the bounty of produce we have available to us in OC.
"Bryce, please stop putting almonds up your nose. No, no, don't put them back!"
Thank you, thank you, thank you for paying attention.
Woman: "Look at these tangerines! Why can't we have tangerines like this?"
Man: "Because we live in Kansas."
You can absolutely have tangerines like that. They'll just be mummified from the trip halfway across the continent and the time spent in the grocery store's distributor's refrigerator.
"Do you have any, um, 'special' mushrooms?"
If they sold peyote at the farmers' market, it would be a much more popular place than it is. Also a great deal more entertaining.
"Why is it every time I come here I hear the same song from that guy?"
Maybe because they're on a three week rotation and you come every third week at the same time?
"No thanks. Blood orange samples plus white shirt equals pissed-off wife."
See, when I come home splattered like a Technicolor Holstein, my wife just says things like, "I see there were a lot of samples at the farmers' market today."
"You would be surprised how many people will pretend they don't see the 90-year-old woman with the walker standing up looking for a seat."
Ma'am, I was happy to give you my seat at Peet's. You need a cane with an electrically-charged metal tip. You could call it your "manners Taser".
Kid: "I want a piece of caaaaaaaake!"
Parent: "No, no cake."
Kid: "Why noooooooot?"
Parent: "It's butter rum cake. Maybe when you're 21."
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I bet the parent could use some of it, though.
"I thought that stuff was jicama. It isn't jicama. Trust me."
I've never really understood why Sweredoski Farms puts out samples of daikon radish. Not one of the more popular samples, I bet.