You Win Yankee Vacation Baby Today!
Why be a birth tourist? American citizens are some of the world's most privileged people! Below are just some of the reasons to have your child in the United States.
AMERICAN PASSPORT Did you know that with an American passport, a person can travel to 172 countries without first having to apply for a visa? How many countries can you visit stress-free with a Chinese passport, you ask? Only 44--that's even less than people from Vietnam. We're already stealing their land; we can't let them in here.
AMERICAN EDUCATION The United States is awash in educational resources, free public schooling and low-interest loans that your child can take advantage of once they're old enough! And really, to get the most out of the citizenship, what's more American than leaving college with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans?
AMERICAN COLLEGES Why compete for international-student college-admission spots with the rest of the world when your child can compete with just other Americans? Your child won't have to worry about getting a student visa to go to the highly respected American college California State University Chico.
AMERICAN ENVIRONMENT Imagine how much healthier your child will be breathing the healthy, clean Southern California air! On good days, you can even see some stars.
AMERICAN SOCIAL SECURITY United States citizens are eligible for the United States' retirement program. Once your American baby is born, we'll do the work to make sure you have an American Social Security card in hand for your trip back to China. If, somehow, your family fortune is lost during the next Chinese political revolution, your child may receive some money from the country in their old age (if they come back and work)!
IMMIGRATE TO AMERICA Tired of China? Once your child turns 21, they can petition for family members to join them in America. Just in time for the next iPhone!
By now, you all must be clamoring over yourselves to come to America to give birth, but the benefits don't end at your child. Here are the perks you can expect during your three-month stay:
LUXURY APARTMENTS You Win Yankee has lodgings for every budget level. Modest? Stay in the famous city of Irvine with a roommate. You each get your own bathroom, and you won't have to worry about college students keeping you up because the rents are too expensive for them to afford!
If you want to spend more money, you can stay in some of Orange County's most expensive luxury apartments in gated communities, complete with a doorman, private pools and artificial lakes to stroll around.
Your address is guaranteed to have at least three 8's for luck.
LUXURY MALLS You Win Yankee Vacation Baby Today is situated in the middle of Orange County, just a few minutes from some of the best luxury malls in the United States. Visit the legendary South Coast Plaza, where you can shop at Hermès, Burberry, Chanel and dozens more high-luxury brands. If it's too sunny, just pluck a free rice-paddy hat off one of the mannequins at Bloomingdale's, and hink of how jealous your friends will be when you return home in Jimmy Choos and Dolce & Gabbana, toting a Coach bag.
To cheer them back up, gift them one of the dozen iPhone 6 Plus phones you bought direct from Apple.
ALL INCLUSIVE! You won't have to worry about a thing during your stay! All medical care, cleaning and meals (three a day) are supplied by the company. Once your baby is born, we'll even bathe, change diapers, and apply for its passport and social security card for you.
FOOD Afraid you won't like American food? Our facilities are only an hour away from the San Gabriel Valley, the most Chinese part of America. We'll shuttle you there weekly for dining excursions. We'll even take photos of your food to post on Weibo.
AMERICAN MEDICAL CARE Would you trust a Chinese hospital to deliver your baby? In Orange County, your babies will be delivered by highly trained American doctors who are not at all overworked. Don't worry about the bill; you won't be around for them to collect!
COACHING INCLUDED Worried you won't get your tourist visa? We'll coach you! You'll come in through major tourist destinations such as Hawaii or Las Vegas to arouse less suspicion. You might even get to see them momentarily. We'll even teach you how to buy property in America to fast-track that EB-5 visa.
Don't worry if our compound gets raided during your stay; we have lawyers that'll help you leave the country, even if the federal government designates you a material witness to its case.
Interested? Contact You Win Yankee Baby Today on WeChat, screen name CuteBabyPanda888, or call our Chinese telephone number at 000-4444-4444.
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