15. "I want to tongue every inch of you because I love you."
--A text message Oxford Academy high-school history teacher Christopher John Ontiveros allegedly sent to a 17-year-old female student before his arrest for sex crimes.
14. "[Barney Frank] will be shot dead the next time he shows his faggot face in OC. . . . Mark these patriot words with caution."
--A comment left by "anti-tyranny" in response to our story about Frank campaigning here for Democratic Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez.
13. "Best cash flow in . . . 10 years."
--A boast by the Reverend Robert Schuller's family while they simultaneously claimed Garden Grove's Crystal Cathedral desperately needed people to fork over to the family another--drum roll, please--$50 million.
12. "The gub'ment! The gub'ment! The gub'ment!"
--Republican Secretary of State candidate (and former NFL star) Damon Dunn of Irvine tells a Buena Park audience what is wrong with the U.S.
11. "Any supposition that men can consent with a wink or a nod to pass women among each other sexually is not found in the law of consent or in logic."
--California appellate Justice Richard M. Aronson explains why he rejected arguments made by the infamous Haidl gang rapists, who wanted their convictions overturned because they claimed they had telepathically given one another permission to assault the unconscious minor girl.
10. "He was an active copper."
--Defense lawyer Robert Corrado attempts to get a judge to go easy on Bradley Stewart Wagner, who--as a veteran Anaheim police officer--used the threat of deportation to get sexual favors from undocumented workers.
9. "Mr. Harrah doesn't always get what he wants!"
--Santa Ana City Councilwoman Claudia Alvarez responds to public criticism that the city government is too close to real-estate developer Michael Harrah; Alvarez and her colleagues went on to give Harrah his entire wish list for One Broadway Plaza, a proposed high-rise building.
8. "Immoral people are running one of the most powerful law-enforcement agencies. . . . We're all in trouble."
--After being fired as a high-ranking prosecutor by District Attorney Tony Rackauckas, Todd Spitzer--the former county supervisor and state assemblyman--gives his assessment of the DA's office.
7. The thought of gay marriage is so "insufferable" that if it's allowed, conservatives would be responsible for "rising up and abolishing" the government.
--Chapman University Law School professor and Republican candidate for California Attorney General John Eastman explains his view of gay rights.
6. "Meg Whitman is going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger with a skirt."
--Conservative Republican heavyweight Michael J. Schroeder slams fellow Republican Whitman during the bruising GOP primary.
5. "I don't know where the idea materialized out there that somehow we would have a great park developed full-scale within a matter of years."
--Dubious Irvine political boss Larry Agran lies this year to an OC Register reporter; in 2002, Agran guaranteed a "speedily" built great park that would be completed by 2005.
4. "What did he do?"
--Christian-conservative county Supervisor John Moorlach posing ignorant about the disgraceful conduct that gave ex-Sheriff Mike Carona this new official description: convicted felon.
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3. "I think . . . uh . . . uh . . . when . . . so . . . uh . . . and, oh! . . . uh [laughs]."
--Serial killer Rodney Alcala can't think of what to tell a jury in his opening statement; after the trial, Alcala got the death penalty.
2. "He told the truth after he told the lies."
--Again, defense attorney Corrado defends the alleged credibility of dirty Anaheim cop Wagner in hopes of overturning a guilty plea.
1. "You gotta have money to live here, and I got money. . . . We are not squatters."
--Explaining his current home situation, Christopher Wayne Duncan and his wife, Robin, an unemployed couple, moved into a $2 million Newport Coast gated-community, oceanview home without the owner's permission and have refused to leave.