MONDAY, APRIL 21: ●What’s the big news today from the Reggie’s crack team of community reporters? In Yorba Linda, “A 4- to 6-month old black puppy was found on Arroyo Street the afternoon of April 15.” Ummm . . . any sleazy goings-on out in Rancho Santa Margarita? “A local homeowners association is holding a royal tea party.” Okaaayyy . . . how about over in scandal-a-minute Newport Beach—there’s gotta be something there in OC’s most Republican ‘burg, right? Naaah . . . “A Newport Beach Boy Scouts troop will hold its annual rummage sale fundraiser.”
●Also today, dominating the Life section: five full pages of cute puppies and kittens. And it’s not even time for the final results of the Reggie’s laughable cat photo contest.
THURSDAY, APRIL 24: ●Clearly, the future of in-depth, take-no-prisoners news coverage at the Reggie involves reporters writing about themselves. (And we’re old enough to remember when we’d hear non-stop bitching from the Grand Ave Mausoleum that that was allll the Weekly was about.) The latest sign of Reggie staffers making busywork to keep the Blackstone boys at bay: a new wine column that starts in today’s ish, scrawled in awkward script form by married peeps Paul Hodgins and Anne Valdespino. Now, wine is a very good thing, but we can’t help wondering where this will lead: Gordon Dillow blogging about his bathroom habits?
●Better still—howzabout getting Reggie staffers to exploitatively write about their children’s bathroom habits? Already happening! That’s exactly what Nick Brennan does in his “Bath Time Isn’t Always Fun” post on the Reggie’s Dad Blog (not to mention all the shit and piss and exploding diarrhea references found over at their Mom Blog).
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●More on the Mom Blog, where Reggie bloggers actually have serious debates on whether or not to use the phrase “MILF”: why does it seem that everyone who posts responses to these blogs are either fellow Mom/Dad Blog contributors, or relatives of them? Because it’s true. (Enough from Ben Wener's granny, already!) If the Reggie wants to solicit posts from real people on the Mom/Dad Blog, perhaps they should do the obvious and post some videos of their goddamn kids being conceived. Memo to Blackstone: a guaranteed revenue-generator!
●Oh—also today, the Weekly breaks the Reggie sex scandal story!
FRIDAY, APRIL 25: ●Some 45 cars belonging to Canyon High students are towed for being parked illegally in a nearby shopping center. Do you care--unless, y’know, you’re one of the law-breaking towees? Whatever--the Reggie says it’s a "must-read" story, right there on the front page of their Local section, just above another "must-read" story about a food fight at Trabuco High. We could not make this shit up.
●COMING NEXT WEEK: The Reggie website finally debuts its sure-to-be-hysterical new TV show, Juice. But will it be as guffaw-worthy as Daybreak OC?