"You know, being a lifelong practitioner of the martial arts, I try to teach everyone not to fight the recoil of the weapon but more to become one with the weapon and let it be an extension of their body."
--Steven Seagal, lawman, in voice over for scenes showing him teaching a fellow portly reserve cop how to shoot well enough on the range to qualify to continue carrying his sidearm.
In honor of "Ruthless Judgment," the Steven Seagal Lawman season finale, airing at 10 p.m. Wednesday on A&E, bonus quotes by Steven Seagal, lawman, appear after the jump . . .
"It's a little bit of a letdown. Yeah, we got some drugs, but what we really like to do is get the drug dealers that are feeding the addicts. I think karmacally those folks who are doing the bad things will get caught one way or another."
--Steven Seagal, lawman, after two suspected drug dealers were arrested on minor charges.
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"I can be very quiet. I'll just go somewhere and I'll sit off in a corner and people will call me arrogant. I'm not arrogant, I'm just shy like you, and I think the martial arts helped give me a lot of confidence, a lot of self esteem, and helped teach me respect for myself. You try to conquer yourself. You try to master yourself."
--Steven Seagal, lawman, after being asked by a little girl in a martial arts class, "Were you shy when you first did your lessons?"
"A lot of people know me as an actor. But I've been playing the blues my whole life. . . . [Sliding into cajun accent] We fittin' to do a kawn-cert tah benefit the children's hospital here, in Naw'leans. I love children. People who love me and know me know that."
--Steven Seagal, lawman.
"You should hear the rumors about Steven Seagal. Rumors are that I'm going around kicking the s[BLEEP] out of all the bad guys and more out all the bad guys are hiding because they know he hits so hard. You know what I'm saying?"
--Steven Seagal, lawman, to his partner Johnny.
"That white boy callin' me Mr. Stallone: How funny is that?"
--Steven Seagal, lawman, talking to Johnny about an action-star confused perp.