Orange County's Thomas Troy Bitter is upset with the FBI.
Bitter is--well, so sorry--bitter that evil, unethical agents can't find a foreign terrorist, scumbag Newport Beach real estate developer, bank robber, corrupt police helicopter pilot or money-hungry Santa Ana politician to watch and are instead harassing him on a regular basis.
And he wants them to know he isn't going to take it quietly anymore.
In May, the Mission Viejo resident called the FBI's San Diego field office and left what has to be one of the dumbest*** voice-mail message ever:
"I have a very important message for [FBI Special Agent in Charge] Keith Slotter. First off, I would like to say fuck you. I want my god damn money, Keith. You better give me my fucking cash. I would break your fucking neck if you were man enough to go one on one with me. Fuck you, fuck your region, fuck your entire family. Fuck the puppet master system that runs your fucking region. Fuck you, Keith. You are a god damn fucking coward. And I would break your fucking neck if you were man enough to go one on one with me. I'm tired of you mother fuckers misappropriating my funds. I want my god damn fucking money, Keith. Fuck you too, bitch."
Just in case the FBI's tracing system wasn't working (it was), Bitter began his message by stating his full name, social security number and date of birth.
He also called Steven Martinez, the assistant director of the FBI in Los Angeles, as well as Andrew Arena, a Special Agent in Charge in Detroit, to leave messages that he wanted "to slap the fucking taste out" of their mouths and advise them that Slotter "is a fucking bitch."
He posed a question too: "Have I made myself clear to you stupid motherfuckers?"
But my favorite part of the case is when an FBI switchboard operator in Los Angeles listened to the hostile threats and then calmly asked, "Do you have a call back number, sir?"
"I do," replied Bitter. "It's [an area code 949 cell phone number]."
FBI agents from the Santa Ana field office quickly arrived at Bitter's OC home, where he allegedly admitted he'd made the calls. He claimed that agents had been screwing with him and arranging for little girls to block his path in grocery stores, according to an FBI report.
Bitter was taken into custody for making threats of violence against law enforcement agents. A federal magistrate ordered him to remain in the custody of the U.S. marshals inside the Santa Ana Jail and to undergo a psychiatric evaluation before a hearing later this summer.
Oddly, Santa Ana Jail records show that Bitter, 32, has been set free from custody without any mention of the release in federal court files.
***Perhaps Bitter isn't dumb but exceptionally straight forward and brave. Perhaps he actually was a stiffed confidential informant, the FBI owed him hard-earned dinero and he'd grown tired of their lazy, bureaucratic reluctance to pay up even while handsomely paying female midgets to thwart his grocery shopping.
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A few weeks ago, a federal magistrate took the FBI's felony case against Bitter off calendar without explanation.