March 27, 2003
Mary Haley and Robert Mumford
Dear Mary and Mumford:
We are in receipt of your proposed advice column, picture and letter dated Jan. 22, 2003. While we appreciate the offer, we're going to have to take a pass at this time because we already run an advice column called Savage Love that is quite popular with our readers.
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However, be aware that The Orange County Register is working on a new publication geared toward younger readers. Your advice column—which features Mary hilariously suggesting women shoot their unfaithful boyfriends, get new bodies through plastic surgery and hump anything with a pulse, and Mumford calling Mary a plastic, unappealing slob—would be a perfect fit. We encourage you or any writers out there who want to contribute to a flashy, vibrant, must-read publication geared toward the untapped younger readers (which, to the Register, would be anyone under 59) to contact Register editor KEN BRUSIC. You can write KEN BRUSIC at 625 N. Grand Ave., Santa Ana, CA 92701. The direct line to KEN BRUSIC is (714) 796-2226. You can e-mail KEN BRUSIC at email@example.com.
Better yet, KEN BRUSIC loves it when potential contributors drop in unannounced at the above address. Lobby hours are 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays. Remember: KEN BRUSIC LOVES GO-GETTERS! Now go get that advice column.
Your Friends at the Columnist Rejection Dept.