Johan Vogel The Aliso Viejo City Councilon Sept. 30 put the kibosh on yet another Clockwork get-rich scheme that fed on the needs of desperate schoolchildren by banning ice creamsales within 500 feet of city schools. Longtime readers will recall that our previous attempts to make money off pupils were torpedoed after the passage of laws prohibiting the sale of guns, porn and drugs near campuses. We'll have to go back to passing out free condoms.
WE TIPSY HOTLINE It's probably a good idea that local cops approach each emergency call with skepticism. Take the one Orange County Sheriff's deputiesreceived late Oct. 3 from a tenant at the Villa La Paz apartments in Rancho Santa Margarita. The caller reported that a mysterious man was standing over “a lifeless body for the last half hour.” The conscious man was said to be picking up the lifeless person's arm, letting it drop and rolling the person across the ground like a log. When deputies arrived at the scene, they discovered two drunkstrying to walk home. TASERS ON STUN Dick Cheneybetter stay the hell outta Breaand Yorba Lindabecause they're apparently electrocuting people who act irrationally. Now, we seem to recall something about how Taser gunswere supposed to allow our finest to subdue suspects without having to kill 'em. But killing's exactly what happened to 40-year-old Roman Piersonof Sunnymead the morning of Oct. 7. Before the fatal encounter, Pierson supposedly got out of his car near a Yorba Linda strip mall, ran through traffic and a parking lot, entered a market, bought a soda with a $20 bill, left without his change, rubbed ice on his face, and threw cubes at people as he ran around some more. Brea Policesay they cornered Pierson at New River and Yorba Linda Boulevard, but, despite the ice, he refused to chill. So he was zapped with the Taser gun. As officers tried to subdue him, they say, Pierson began fighting back. So that won him another jolt, which seemed to do the trick. But a minute after cuffing him, the cops noticed their suspect was no longer breathing, and by the time they got him to Placentia-Linda Hospital, he was no longer among the living. The Orange County district attorney's office is investigating, but the last time they found an OC police agency at fault for an in-custody death like this was, well, never. DEFYING CONVENTIONThe most surprising thing about Arnold Schwarzenegger's landslide win in the Oct. 7 recall/ gubernatorial election was who came in (a distant) second in certain areas of Orange County. For instance, you'd expect arch conservative Tom McClintockto beat Democrat Cruz Bustamantein Aliso Viejo, Brea, Costa Mesa (barely), Cypress, Foothill Ranch, Fountain Valley, Ladera Ranch, Laguna Hills, Lake Forest, Mission Viejo, Orange, Placentia, Rancho Santa Margarita (barely), San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano (barely), Trabuco Canyon, Tustin, Villa Park and Yorba Linda. But who'd figure Bustamante would top McClintock in Dana Point, Huntington Beach, Irvine, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Seal Beach, Silverado, Sunset Beach–and, most surprising of all, Newport Beachand Newport Coast. Equally shocking were how decisively the GOP-endorsed ballot propositions were defeated. Proposition 53, which would have dedicated a larger percentage of the state General Fund to infrastructure (read: land developers), lost everywhere in OC. Proposition 54, which would have stopped the collection of racial data so officials could deny the existence of racial disparities, lost everywhere except Ladera Ranch, Newport Coast, Trabuco Canyon and Villa Park. SAME AS IT EVER WAS The most unsurprising thing about Arnold Schwarzenegger's landslide win in the Oct. 7 recall/gubernatorial election was how this so-called “outsider,” this so-called “man of the people,” this so-called “multimillionaire who is not beholden to special interests” immediately surrounded himself with political hackswho know nothing but sucking from special-interest teats. Just look at his transition team. Willie Brown? Pete Wilson? Jim Brulte? Jim Hahn? Bill Jones? Hack-hack-hack-hack-hack. May I get you some lozenges for those hacks? You could supply all of Humboldt County with so many Hacky-Sacks around. This is to be expected, of course, given that the Gropenator campaign's chief of staff was Bob White, the managing partner of California Strategies, which lobbies for real-estate, tobacco, telecommunications and power companies. Yeah, things are really gonna change around here. COMMIE BOY Quick story about Congressman David Dreier(R-San Dimas), who heads Ah-nuld's transition team: way back before he was known as the Boy Congressman, Dreier was making his first run for statewide office when he visited this collegiate chronometer's Poli-Sci 100 class at the mighty University of La Verne. To get a fix on his near-awake audience, Dreier asked how many in the class were Republicans. A few hands went up. He then asked how many were Democrats. A few more hands went up. He asked how many were independents. The nerd who resembled John Andersonraised his hand. Dreier was about to make a lame joke about how he'd convince everyone to become Republicans when our hand shot up. “SOCIALIST!” we shouted proudly. As Dreier nearly cracked half a smile, our bemused professor said, “Welcome to the University of La Verne.” YAKITY-YAK We mentioned last week how Newport Beach actress Tawny Kitaenshowed up on Howard Stern's national radio program recently and claimed her ex-husband, former Anaheim Angelsace pitcher Chuck Finley, beat her–not vice versa, as cops contend. Kitaen also denied she'd abused prescription drugs. One thing we forgot to mention was how Kitaen told Stern she'd probably get in trouble from her ex for those comments. She was half-right. Her statements got back to Orange County Judge Pamela Iles, who was poised to dismiss domestic-violence charges against Kitaen on Oct. 9. But the judge declined, saying she'll only reconsider if the Whitesnake video vixen writes a letter taking responsibility for her abusive actions and admitting that no one forced her into a guilty plea. We're no lawyers, but some advice for our Miss Tawny: ixnay the interviewsay. IMMINENTLY QUOTABLE “We think it's a very solid approach to many issues in the area.” South Coast Plazaspokesman Paul Freeman, in an Oct. 10 Orange County Registerstory about a plan to run the CenterLine underground as it passes the jewel of Henry Segerstrom's South Coast Metro district. Segerstrom got other merchants and the Costa Mesa City Councilto pressure the Orange County Transportation Authority into abandoning a previous plan that would have elevated tracks outside South Coast Plaza. The Reggie quoted no spokesman for–or words from–the hundreds of low-income residents and mom-and-pop merchants whose homes and businesses will be razed for CenterLine, let alone those who will be forced to deal with the non-underground portions of the light-rail line just outside their front doors.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.