Election Results

Since the world didn't live up to the expectations of nervous Christians and end yesterday, we now have to turn our attention to counting the ballots from yesterday's primary. (Lazy goddamn Antichrist, always making more work for me...)

Matt Coker's bold electoral prediction proved corrected. Assessing the state of the Republican gubernatorial primary, Matt wrote, "Schwarzennegger, in a landslide. Don't forget you read it here first."– and sure enough, Arnold walked off with 89.9% of the vote. But still, Arnold was not happy. "I think that today was a somewhat sad day for me," he told reporters Tuesday. Not because yesterday's Antichrist-apalooza, reminded him of his godawful box office dud, End of Days– or at least, that wasn't the official reason for sadness. No, Arnold was sad, he said, "because we're all supposed to go out and vote. And I heard that it's the lowest voter turnout probably in the history of California." OC certainly did its part to help keep turnout low. According to the Registrar of Voters office, only 23.7% of the county's registered voters bothered to exercise the franchise in yesterday's election. I hope you're happy, people– you ruined what should have been the governor's special day (because there's no way he's getting 89% of the vote in the general election. Don't forget you read it here first.).

Maybe more people wanted to vote yesterday, but ran into problems. There were reports of difficulties besetting OC voters on both sides of that fundamental dividing line: those who talk on the phone while chewing a mouthful of Count Chocula and those who don't. There were reports of some problems in other parts of the state, but according to the secretary of state's impressively named spokesperson, Ashley Snee Giovannettone, these problems were just "standard election day hiccups".

OC didn't just occasionally hiccup like the rest of the state yesterday, it also voted like the rest of the state. Governor (D), Angelides. Lt. Governor (D), Garamendi. Attorney General (D), Brown. And so on down the line– the county results can be found here, the state results here– with one exception. OC favorite son Joe Dunn carried the county in his bid to be the Democratic nominee for Controller, but John Chiang won statewide.

The county also matched the state when it came to voting on the propositions. It was a bad night for book learnin', as Prop 81 (which would have funded library improvements) and Prop. 82 (which would have funded a preschool program in which Rob Reiner fed children the hearts and livers of the state's wealthiest citizens– or something like that) both went down in flames.

And in OC's most– what shall we say?– colorful local race, Sheriff Mike Carona was returned to office with 50.9% of the vote, narrowly avoiding a runoff. Notice I did not write won another four years, because Carona was the subject of the only other prediction a Weekly editor made yesterday. Anticipating Carona's victory, R. Scott Moxley wrote:

I predict that if Carona wins outright tonight, he won't serve a full, four-year term. He's hoping for another, high-profile position. But there's also this: the FBI and US Attorney's office are disgusted by criminal activities during Calamity Mike's reign at the powerful, $580 million-a-year agency. There will be future federal indictments tied to the Orange County Sheriff's Department. Take that bet to Vegas, if not to Rick Rizzolo's strip club.

Remember where you read that first.


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