DEAR MEXICAN: When World War II ended, the Germans and Japanese had to return all territories they had acquired by force. The U.S. acquired most of the West by force from Mexico. Agreed, the U.S. won the war with Mexico, but did that make it right? I do not think so—so why does Mexico not go to the World Court and sue? I know the U.S. won't acquiesce if it were to lose, but at least the taking of Mexican territory would be branded an illegal act. To some, this will sound un-American, but I think it is totally American—it's called righting a wrong. I was born in Alabama, a state that knows a lot about being un-American (remember the Civil War?), and raised in Virginia, another state that knows a lot about being un-American (again, the Civil War), and Washington, D.C., whose citizens have fewer rights than other Americans. My heritage is English-Irish, so the only ax I have to grind is to see to it my country commits as few wrongs as possible.
DEAR BETO: I like your thinking! Alas, it wouldn't fly—although the Mexican-American War was a blatant, imperial land grab, the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was an official document that ended the war. Signed under duress, yes, but nevertheless relatively ironclad. Besides, the United States considers the International Court of Justice a clown court (as you correctly note) whose issued opinions mean mierda if they go against the Stars and Stripes—see 1984's Nicaragua vs. United States, in which the court correctly ruled the United States illegally supported the contras, only to have Reagan consider the decision as meaningful as an air-traffic-controller strike. Finally, why bother with legal systems when demographic reality is doing it for us? Didja hear that former U.S. Census director Steve Murdoch recently studied the population trends of Texas and told the state's House of Representatives' Mexican American Legislative Caucus, "Basically, it's over for Anglos in Texas"? That's the future, folks: the end of the gabacho race, and the Mexican says it's a good thing—not so much for Reconquista purposes, but because that just means more intermarriage will happen and finish our racialist games once and for all. Because nothing stops racism like a hot mamacita or a cute, fecund gabacha.
DEAR MEXICAN: I have a few online gal pals. The ones who are Mexican have an affinity for composing mail in ALL CAPS. It doesn't particularly annoy me; I just wondered if there is a cultural significance behind this larger-than-life correspondence style.
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DEAR CURIOUS YELLOW: Because they are LOUD. Funny thing is that the Spanish language generally capitalizes words less often than English, so we can't blame the all-caps on their Mexi side, for once, or for the fact that sOmE wRiTe LiKe ThIs.
GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! Most of you know Lalo Alcaraz, the nationally syndicated cartoonist behind the comic strip La Cucaracha (and if you don't know him, think of Alcaraz as Gary Trudeau meets Aaron McGruder meets the end of a tequila bottle). But this plug is for his Twitter account, one of the better stream-of-consciousness experiments out there. Better yet? Unlike other funnymen, Alcaraz responds to EVERYTHING—especially nasty remarks, which makes him even more chistoso. Follow the cabrón at twitter.com/laloalcaraz, or find him online at pocho.com.