5 Hard-Ass Ways the Government Should Treat a Blockbuster Bankruptcy
Blockbuster Inc. reveals in its annual financial report filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission that the video-store chain may have to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
The one-time king of DVD and videotape rentals reveals in the filing it ended the last year in the red, the next 12 to 18 months present additional financial challenges and it plans to close 500-545 stores this year, after having shuttered 430 company-owned depots in 2009.
Normally, we'd advocate everyone getting an equally fair shake while dealing with bankruptcy courts. But a Blockbuster bankruptcy would allow the government to be just as dickish toward Blockbuster as Blockbuster has been to all of us.
Five ways to get even follow after the jump . . .
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1) All documents related to the filing must be crammed into a skinny slot on the courthouse's front door.
2) For every document out of numerical order, Blockbuster must pony up a "please rewind" fine.
3) Before reaching the court clerk's desk, Blockbuster lawyers must face a gauntlet of candy bars, soda refrigerators and Orville Redenbacker Real Ranch Popcorn packets.
4) Court clerks must wear the same Dawn of the Dead expression on their faces as Blockbuster clerks. (Check--already done!)
5) 476 copies of Jumpin' Jack Flash on courtroom shelves and not one goddamn "B 6F Schedule F Creditors Holding Unsecured Nonpriority Claims" form!
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