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Top 5 Songs to Give a Lap Dance To According to Steve Byrne

A single tear is how I end this lap dance.
A single tear is how I end this lap dance.

Steve Byrne knows all about striking a sexy pose but something that's even more striking is that this man has moves that would that put Mick Jagger (and Adam Levine) to shame. We've already had the pleasure of talking about his talent for furious hip action, so this time before he headlines the Brea Improv January 30th- February 1st, we decided to delve a little deeper. OK, not that deep pervs. This time we got the picks for his "Top 5 Songs to Give a Lap Dance To" and hopefully, if you're very, very lucky, he'll treat you to a little dancing to go along with the incredible set he is bound to give. Trust us, you want to see this and that.

5. MC Hammer, "You Can't Touch This"

Steve Byrne: "You Can't Touch This" by Hammer is perfect because when I give a lap dance, I want to be treated like a female stripper would be treated. It's like, I can do all of the motions and you aren't allowed to touch me. All you need to do is just shut your eyes and let me take you to a place of fantasy and sexual ecstasy.

4. Jim Croce, "Time in a Bottle"

Sometimes you have to think outside of the box like with Jim Croce's, "Time in a Bottle." This is a slow and sensual song that I would hope makes you think of a significant other as well as make you realize that life is very short and you never know when you're going to die. "Time in a Bottle" isn't depressingly sad when it can be sexy. A single tear is how I end this lap dance.

 

3. Oasis, "Champagne Supernova"

Let's go with "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis for this one because I want someone to develop blisters when I dance for seven minutes. This song is so long that you're going to need aloe vera and a few band aides when I'm done with you. The last few minutes of the song I call, "my victory lap." This song is strictly for me to show off my stamina.

2. Bette Midler, "Wind Beneath my Wings"

One can always expect a heavy metal ballad when stripping but, I like to really strike the chords of the heart strings with "Wind Beneath my Wings." I would hope that I provide the wind beneath that person's wings at least for that evening. After all, they're obviously there because they're lonely and they're obviously paying me because they want to get their rocks off. I would just hope for those few minutes that I can provide the solace and comfort that they are looking for with my gyrating hips. Or as I call my waistline, "a barrel of TNT."

 

1. Dolly Parton, "Nine to Five"

You can always go for the old standby "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred because there is no explanation needed for that. But my last selection would be the 80's hit, "Nine to Five." Every dance that I do, I like to cram an eight hour workday into a three minute song. It's essentially overtime with my hips. Everyone needs to have a goal in life and mine is that I hope to work nine to five in three sexy minutes.

Steve Byrne performs at the Brea Improv January 30th through February 1st, 120 South Brea Blvd. 92821, (714) 482-0700. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. Be on the lookout for the new season of Sullivan & Son this summer and get more info on his website www.SteveByrneLive.com and by following him on Twitter: @SteveByrneLive.

See also: Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.


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