Can you even believe the Fleshlight? What taxi cab driver with dented cheeks was like, hey this is a good idea!
Can you even believe the Fleshlight? What taxi cab driver with dented cheeks was like, hey this is a good idea!
Tomas Whitehouse

Pablo Francisco: The Infomercial King!

When Pablo Francisco comes to Orange County, he never fails to make an impression. Literally, that's kind of his act. For the past couple decades, the Arizona-bred comic's proclivity for pantomiming famous Governators, R&B singers and annoying people of all races has garnered him a worldwide fan base. Before his stop at the Brea Improv August 1st through 4th, we found out what he's been up to and just had to riff on infomercials because if Pablo ever quits comedy (PLEASE don't), he could definitely scrape together a second career writing the scripts for these painfully prolonged, late-night advertisements. If you've seen his act, you know definitely perfected the voice for it.

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I know you stay busy as a mofo touring but what are else are you working on?

Pablo Francisco: I'm working on a cartoon that's basically a sketch show. It's like Family Guy and Robot Chicken divided by the square root of The Simpsons. [Laughs.] It's a funny concept with comics hosting and each show has a theme. So if we're talking about marijuana, we make fun of marijuana with different sketches or reality shows. Get ready, you've seen Storage Wars. And now it's the newest reality show, Wallet Biters. On the next celebrity Wallet Biters... "I can't believe it! I found a wallet! Do I go to the titty bar or do I mail it in?" So we just make fun of everything, it's really endless.

Will doing that show keep you in town a little more or will you still keep up your insane schedule?

The thing is, I like to keep busy and go wherever. I've gotten the TV deals before and with that, you get the money but then they don't put the show on. Which is weird but, the good thing is that you still get to keep the money. So when the time is right maybe I'll slow down. I've got all of the time in the world. Well, until I die. [Laughs.]

Okay, never die please! So I'm pretty obsessed with you making fun of songs. I also have a suggestion for one.

Oh yeah? Give it to me!

Two words. One Direction.

[Laughs.] One Direction. Don't they go both directions? The thing with them is that they act like boy bands never existed. They've got their mouths open and their big fucking honeycomb hair. 'Hey girl. We're One Direction!' They could be in Cirque du So lame. Lindsey Lohan is going out with one of the guys from One Direction from what I hear. It's like "Snnnnnifffff. OK I love you! Come on!" Exactly! And instead of, "that's what makes you beautiful" it could be, "that's what makes you dooty-full." Because they're shitty.

[Laughs.] Oh that is funny as shit! That's a beautiful thing. They're dooty-full. [Laughs.] Girl you're dooty-full. It's my dooty! It's good to hear a woman say that because these guys are fucking punks. They're cocky and their mouths are open all of the time.

It could be never ending with those dudes I swear! I also know that you love a good infomercial as much as I do. Have you seen the one for "Hot Buns?"

Hot what? What is that?

It's basically for people who need an extra step when putting their hair in a bun I guess.

[Laughs.] OK that sounds really bad. Sick and tired of making a ponytail? Tired of puking with your hair in your face? Well now, you can get Hot Buns! Sick and tired of putting all those diamonds and that gold in your teeth? Just talk shit to a rapper and they'll hit you in the face with their rings and presto! You want beautiful emeralds and diamonds? Just punch Lil Wayne in the face and bam! You've got a new ring! Infomercials man.

Ha! People would probably try that!

[Laughs.] Get ready! It's the new toy for intimacy called, "The Fuck Hole." It's like the Fleshlight. Can you even believe the Fleshlight? What taxi cab driver with dented cheeks was like, hey this is a good idea! They were like, the lights blew out and I do have this flashlight so...why not go fuck off? This is a good idea!

Pablo Francisco performs at the Brea Improv August 1st through 4th, 120 South Brea Blvd. 92821, (714) 482-0700. For tickets go to For more info, visit and follow him on Twitter: @Pablo_Francisco.

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.

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