Getting Rando With Ralphie May

My sauce is the truth!
My sauce is the truth!
Chris Victorio

We love us some Ralphie May over here at the Weekly and by the way he sells whenever he's in town, we know OC feels the same. If you're the type that never gets your panties in a bunch, you're in for a great time when May hits the Irvine Improv tonight, August 13th through 16th. And if you haven't had the chance to see him live yet, WTF is wrong with you?! He's crazy fantastic! Grab your tickets NOW! (Apologies for yelling.) Before the big weekend kicks off and since we've done so much with him over the years press wise, this time we decided to keep it casual and kick it random style with Ralphie to see where it led us. Spoiler alert: It led us into random fits of laughter. Hey, the man is good.

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I'm proud of you for cutting way back lately but for memories sake, tell me about the most fucked up you've ever been.

Ralphie May: Oh man! It was in Anchorage Alaska at Chilkoot Charlie's, which I think is the greatest bar in America. They had $1 you call it shots and I must have dropped 40 bucks in just shots. I was sick for three and a half days, it was horrible. My buddy was like, "Why don't you go throw up and get that out of you?" So I went in there and started puking and it did not stop. It was like I hit the puke button and it was this concoction that had purple in it for some reason. I guess I had something purple? I don't know. Oh god, it was horrible.

You know it's bad when you can remember what the puke looked like.

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Oh yeah. I remember the first time I puked, I made a mess because by accident I put my tongue up and it kind of fanned out. Horrific.

Alrighty then. Ol' "weak stomach" Lerman over here can't hang. On to the next. What's the best "yo mama" joke you've heard?

Any of them from George Wallace. I hit George Wallace once with, "Yo mama don't like barbeque but she does like throwing my meat against her grill." He goes to me, "Oh that's a good one Ralphie May! You better leave my mama out of this and I'll leave this out of your mama!" [Laughs.] I almost cried. He was so quick with it, I thought it was hilarious.

Ha! He's so great. If you had to trade your job for another job because you HAD to dammit, what would you pick?

I don't know, my job is pretty fucking awesome. I mean, well...I don't know! Fuck it. I'd be a race car driver.

Being a race car driver sounds pretty scary but maybe you could get your BBQ sauce on a car as a sponsor. That'd be pretty sweet.

Yeah, that would be awesome! That should happen.

We're putting it out there. How's the book coming along?

It's a touch arduous because you have to tell the publishers that you're not going to tell the worst things that happen to you in a salacious manner. They don't want that out there. I'll give the answer when asked but I certainly don't volunteer it.

That's the weird part to me. It's like, you're so open on stage, on-line, and in interviews but in a book, that's a no-no?

Yeah, it's different. People put shit in books that's all concise and they feel it's lethargic but I don't need to do that shit. I don't need to feel that way, I'm fine. People say it could be great for so many others but I'm like, or fucking not! If somebody wants a comedy book, I'm going to give them a comedy book. I'm just going to tell crazy fucking stories.

It's so true though, your job is to make people laugh. Seems like you do an incredible job too considering the two specials you pumped out this year.

My first special came out in February and the next one came out in June. So yeah, two this year. And people keep asking me when I'm going to put out another special and I'm like, well, I put out two this year. Has anybody beat me?  

It's crazy you can drop specials so fast and they're all good. You'd think there'd be one fuck-up in the mix at least! And I don't get paid to kiss your ass so you know I'm being honest.

[Laughs.] You are so good for my ego, Ali. To be honest, I never really hear that. It's like, I don't get the accolades that a lot of people do. Maybe it's because of my material. But I talk about the same subject and I get more laughs. Who knows?

I hear ya, the industry is a crazy beast. So now that Perfect 10 podcast is back, do you have a dream guest to name drop?

I'd love to have Obama on but I wouldn't just sit around and talk about him being the president, you know? We'd go out and play hopscotch or horseshoes or something like that. Smoke a joint, play some basketball, drink Kool-Aid...we'd have a very black day with the president. That'd be so fucking cool!

You think he'd be a fan of your BBQ sauce?

I know he would! I know he's half white but, he's also half black so I know he'd love my BBQ sauce. My sauce is the truth!

Well you have his address...

I know! [Laughs.] I don't think they'd let me but damn that'd be so funny.

I'm full of great ideas! Before I see your face in Irvine, and I don't want to bust your balls or anything said you didn't want to do So. Cal. anymore.

[Laughs.] I guess I got too bombastic with "fuck LA" but god, I really didn't want to perform there that much. I know there are different people everywhere but a lot of audiences in LA seem like they just don't want to laugh. They just want to go out and see something. It's amazingly frustrating for a comedian to tell jokes to an audience who doesn't care to hear them. Or if they do want to hear it, they're offended by it. It gets to a point where it's not that fun. If everyone's PC, I guess nobody's feelings are hurt but also, nobody's funny anymore. I guess I could just make jokes about myself but Jesus, wouldn't that get old? I just get sick of those people because it's like, enough already! I don't really give a shit.

Ha! Don't get me started on being PC. But in the spirit of being PC, you just couldn't stay away from the OC right?

Yes. Irvine, Brea, and Ontario do have a lot of real people and that's why they're more tolerable. I do love being out there in a mall too! [Laughs.]

Be sure to catch Ralphie May at the Irvine Improv August 13th through 16th, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to For more info on Ralphie, go to his website, tune into the Perfect 10 podcast, become a fan on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter @Ralphie_May.

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.

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