Dave Attell on the In's and Out's of Porn Music.

Dave hearts porn.
Dave hearts porn.

Comedian Dave Attell is adored by fans worldwide and for good reason. Open like a naughty picture book in an adult library, his analogies play out like a rule book on wit and his raw style of humor makes even the dirtiest of dirty blush. Best of all, there is nothing you can do to stop it and why would you want to? Simply said, Dave Attell's stand-up is like a freight train of hilarity.

With his Showtime series "Dave's Old Porn" gearing up for a new season November 8th, we thought we'd flip the script on him before he headlines at the Brea Improv this weekend (October 12th and 13th). We figured since Dave's porn knowledge is so vast and we are not called "PC" Weekly for a reason, who better to throw some songs out to and find out if they could or couldn't work in a porn flick. So that's the game. Let's play.

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OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): So Dave, music and porn go hand in hand...pun intended. You should be a natural at this.

Dave Attell: Like Gangnam Style? That just sounds porny to me. The international dance craze. I didn't know they had that in South Korea. I'm usually bad with music but I will try my best. Let's do it.

OK here we go. "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails.

Attell: That would be really good for a goth punk rock kind of porn. Definitely a lot of gagging and choking. More hardcore you know? It's not a love song that's for sure. More of an S&M, bondage, you know, some fish hooking kind of stuff. I'd say that's good porn.

Fish hooking? That's a thing? Wow. How about going polar opposite with "Careless Whisper" by George Michael?

Too slow. That one is more of a post porn watching song. You know, where you just kind of feel empty or wistful. More of a self-masturbation but I think if you masturbate to that you have a problem. I haven't masturbated to it but I've lit a candle to it. People always make fun of porn music but there is a reason it's like that. It needs a good strong beat to match the sex. Porn without good music is like a rodeo without a corn dog. It doesn't work. It doesn't feel right.

Point taken. Well "Brick House" by The Commodores is a little faster. Would that work?

That's not bad. It's really good for retro too. It's funky and it's got a lot of horns in there and that is great. Anything that sounds sexy like horns or heavy duty beats help out. The Commodores, that's a good one.

 

Could you ever see using "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. in any porn? Maybe some forbidden nun (on nun) on priest stuff?

[Laughs.] No no...that's too Alt. That song makes me want to recycle and not masturbate. It's too wholesome, it's too nice. That's a problem in porn, you have to get all of the religion out of it. It's like a boner crash. That song is a total boner crash.

Haha, well hopefully this last one won't crash your boner. It's "Make a Wish on a Pop Star" by the beautiful Monica Attell.

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What's that? [Laughs.] Anything by my sister would be great anywhere. I think it's a good idea, I don't want be bias but, sure. Monica is the most talented person in my family and she does every type of music from classical to rock and she always has a million different projects going. She's actually an international star. Very Lady Gaga style. But yes, her tunes would be good for any porn.

Other than something sappy and slow, is there any other type of music that you think just wouldn't work?

What wouldn't work is a ukulele or the banjo, they don't really make much play in porn. They never carry ukulele or banjo riffs. There are too many different kind of connotations with the banjo. You should see some of the music they put on these porn's that I have to replace. They'll take Chariots of Fire and put it over a three-way gang bang. The best porn music is hard rock or acid 70's rock. They have to really barricade the vocals because you have to hear all of the moaning and groaning. I'd prefer a gong at the end. If they used a gong more in porn I think it would really help. [Laughs.]

 

You did a good job! Thank you for indulging us. So give me the scoop on this season of Dave's Old Porn.

The new season starts November 8th on Showtime and we lucked out with people this year too. Kathy Griffin, Joe Rogan, Amy Schumer, Marc Maron...it's really funny people. There are also a lot of legendary porn stars in it and we do a mansion retro gang bang party show at the end of it with Adrianne Curry, Jesse Jane, umm..Andy Dick. It's more like a telethon because there are so many people in it. It's a lot of guests, it's hard to squeeze everyone in there. There are just too many great clips.

I can't wait to see what you have in store this season and also for this weekend in Brea. It's been awhile since you've been out there!

Yeah I gotta get out to Brea and make some cash, I'm a whore. I haven't been to Brea in a long time so I'm really looking forward to it. I love the club and it's a pretty town. When you come from New York it's really exciting when you can walk right out of club and into an Old Navy.

You can catch Dave's Old Porn on Showtime November 8th and check out www.DavesOldPorn.com for some sneak peeks. You can also follow the show on Twitter @OldPorn as well as Dave @Attell. Get your tickets now to see him at the Brea Improv this Friday and Saturday (October 12th and 13th) at www.improv.com or by calling (714) 482-0700. The Brea Improv is located at 120 South Brea Blvd. 92821.

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality.


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