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Eight Days

Thurs., Feb. 3

Feeling classy? The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater performs Ailey classics as well as new works under the direction of Judith Jamison and Masazumi Chaya. (They're also performing on Super Bowl Sundayat 2 p.m. Wouldn't it be funny if they actually thought people would come?) 8 p.m. $25-$75. Orange County Performing Arts Center, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2122;


Joe Klein, formerly "Anonymous" of Primary Colors, discusses his book about the Not-Clinton campaign, the movie of which starred John Travolta as the president-elect. That's cool. 6 p.m. $55 gets you dinner. Newport Beach Public Library, 1000 Avocado Ave., Newport Beach, (866) 209-4902.


Normally, there's no way I would pass up the Pre-Valentine Dance for Huntington Beach Christian Singles[7 p.m. $8-$12 (714) 625-3508;] 'cause you totally know I'm like that. But tonight it just so happens to conflict with ART FOR AIDS IV. Last year, Art for AIDS hosted a concert by Tom Fucking Petty, and this year, they've got Cybill Shepherd. Seriously, babe has pipes. Also, I liked that picture of her with craaaazy Don King hair that all the bloggers made fun of. I thought it was cool she showed everybody her crazy hair. Like this: "Fuck, y'all, I gots me some crazy hair! Now watch me do a line off this hooker!"

Also, there are auctions and dinner from 5', Aquaand Chat Noir. And there's nothing more fun than watching the rich people at Art for AIDS throw down with the help. Happens every year. Call for time. $285-$1,000. St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort and Spa, 1 Monarch Beach Resort, Dana Point, (949) 809-8760 or (949) 494-8971, ext. 200.


You knew the game was on today, right? Don'tcha wanna watch it with debutantes and girls who yammer during the plays? Then totally go to the fourth annual Lighthouse Guild of Olive Crest Super Bowl Extravaganza. These are always fun and always have kick-ass barbecue (this time Sutra's catering) and kick-ass drinks. Plus, there are Laker Girls. ( I like to tell people I am a Laker Girl, but they often trick me by asking why I am not in Phoenix at the game, so sometimes I say I'm a Clipper Girl instead because nobody cares where they're playing.) So pony up your $75 to $90 along with everyone you know and hate. Seriously, it's a good fun drunk. Sutra Lounge, Triangle Square, Newport Blvd. & 19th St., Newport Beach, (800) 550-CHILD, ext. 8124;


Does your head hurt? You really should have drunk a glass of water before you went to bed last night. Ha, ha! You suck!


Anthony Griffith may work "clean," but he looks nice anyway. And this benefit is for Children's Hospital of Orange County, which clearly needs more money. 8:30 p.m. $18. Irvine Improv, 71 Fortune Dr., Ste. 841, Irvine, (949) 854-5455.


Have you been wondering about the Changing Face of Orange County Speakers? Then check out the Changing Face of Orange County Speaker Series, which is presenting social critic (and much-loved/-loathed author of City of Quartz) Mike Davis. But I bet you already knew that Davis is a personal friend of mine and often gives me money. Reservations suggested. 6 p.m. UC Irvine, Student Center, Monarch Bay A, University & Campus drs., Irvine, (949) 824-9337.

Thurs., Feb. 10

All-Natural Aphrodisiacs From Around the World? That is so completely hot. Check Chris Kilham, author of Hot Plants and creator of Enzymatic Therapy's Hot Plants for Him and Her formulas, as he talks about, um, all-natural aphrodisiacs from around the world. 6:30 p.m. Mother's Market, Patio Cafe, 225 E. 17th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 631-4741.


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