The week flew by, but we still learned from it.
MARCH 24: Octomom Nadya Suleman earns $8,000 posing nude for a British magazine. She is not using the money to save her La Habra house, as that's listed for sale as a foreclosure, but to rent a new pad for her, her 14 kids and the gaggle of gossip reporters orbiting her. What We Learned: Upon seeing the shots, Vivid Entertainment pornsario Steve Hirsch, who previously offered Natalie $1 million to star in a porn flick and later $500,000 to appear in one hardcore scene, cut the offer to $100,000 for three scenes. Still too high, no?
MARCH 25: American-born Santa Ana wrestler Jesse Ruiz finishes second in his class at the FILA Pan American Olympic Qualifying
Tournament in Florida. That qualifies him for a slot on the 2012 Olympic Team . . . for Mexico. What We Learned: Mexico has a wrestling team.
MARCH 26: Hacker Christopher John Aragon, 51, of Capistrano Beach, pleads guilty to being the leader of a crime ring that used sophisticated machinery to forge credit cards and driver licenses based on real names and account numbers stolen off the interwebs. The crooks charged high-end goods that were later resold on eBay and craigslist. What We Learned: Visa and MasterCard revealed later in the week that millions of legit customer I.D.'s were stolen from a credit card processing center. How come my credit card debt is never stolen?
MARCH 27: Jim Gilchrist, founder of the Minuteman Project of immigration vigilantes, addresses the Villa Park City Council to ask that Councilwoman Deborah Pauly cancel her looming appearance at a California Coalition of Immigration Reform meeting. Gilchrist argues Pauly's credibility will be damaged if she associates with Barbara Coe and her band of merry wingnuts. What We Learned: Coe would tarnish Pauly more than the other way around.
MARCH 28: Missing from his Costa Mesa home since Sunday morning, 78-year-old Vo Van Nguyen is found by two mountain bikers in the morning on a trail about a mile
into Whiting Ranch Wilderness Park in Trabuco Canyon. Suffering from dementia, in need of heart medication and speaking only Vietnamese, Nguyen somehow lost his shoes and is wearing only one sock. What We Learned: Those who survived Vietnam can survive anything.
MARCH 29: Esperanza High School is evacuated because a suspicious package is found on the Yorba Linda campus. Wait, it turns out the school is not cleared. Wait, wait, it turns out there is no suspicious package. “I am pleased to report that after a thorough search of the entire campus by the Anaheim Police Department, nothing was found,” Superintendent Dennis Smith informs the Placentia-Yorba Linda School District community. What We Learned: Beats the hell out of me.
MARCH 30: Newport Beach ranks third in the nation when it comes to adults valuing sex in their relationships. Lubbock, Texas, values sex the least in the land. What We Learned: Everything's bigger in Texas–except where it really counts.