At this point we are all familiar with the Barbados beauty Rihanna and there are a few things that we certainly know about her outside of her music. She enjoys crazy fashion, she's been known to smoke a doobie or two, loves tattoos and dying her hair, and of course, she is very forgiving.
It was reported on the cover of the UK magazine, “Famous” that Rihanna is now sporting a bun in the oven and it got us thinking. Mozel if it's true although, we assume this is just cover story gossip. (Must be a slow week at the “Kardashian Kamp.”) Either way, we also assume that Rihanna likes to screw so that certainly triggers the thought, which guy could be the baby daddy? We also got to wondering, what could the “bump and grind” music be that was playing while this hypothetical baby making was going on? Yes, we are sick. Don't judge.
Regardless if she is knocked up or not, we know Rihanna that wasn't shagging in silence. With that said, here are the songs she could've been listening to while making babies.
“Til The Cops Come Knocking” (Maxwell) – Clearly this would have been the song that Rihanna and Chris Brown made some sweet “love” to. They're classy you know. That is, until the cops come knocking. Now we are in no way insinuating the obvious, we are just saying…no forget that. We are in fact insinuating the obvious. Enough said.
“Oops!…I Did It Again” (Britney Spears) – We are aware that this song is a little fast for fornication but, we are more so referring to Rihanna's hook up with British model/boxer Dudley O'Shaughnessy. He was her love interest in the video, “We Found Love” and also happens to bear a striking resemblance to Chris Brown. Also, judging by the way Rihanna grinds on stage it's not too hard to believe that she likes it fast in the bedroom.
“Do Me” (Bell Biv DeVoe) – Rihanna's newest reported hook-up is with none other than Ashton Kutcher. Is it true? Who cares? If they were humping no doubt it'd be scandalous as hell and if Ri ended up pregnant due to some late night rendezvous with him, well that would be tabloid gold! Ashton looks about as romantic as Rihanna does (which isn't saying much) so we figure their sex song would be something super dreamy like, “Do Me” from the super romantic group, Bell Biv DeVoe. Please sense the sarcasm.
“Bed” (J. Holiday) – It would seem that when Rihanna dated baseball hottie Matt Kemp it was actually a healthy relationship built on love. It was even reported that they rekindled the flame a few months back! That being said, they actually might have made actual love to an actual love song like, “Bed.” Maybe a baby could bring these two back together. If not, Matt can feel free to call me.
“What's My Name” (Rihanna featuring Drake) – Supposedly Rihanna also hooked up with Canadian superstar Drake. This pairing would not only create a tremendously talented spawn, it would probably create some spectacular fireworks in the bedroom. They both seem kind of full of themselves though so they'd probably smash to one of their own smash hits like, “What's My Name.” All while looking in the mirror the whole time of course.
Again, we are not saying that Rihanna is really pregnant or that she had sex with all of these guys (yes we are) but either way, maybe next time she should require a rubber. You go girl.