So you know by now that this coming Thursday, August 9, I'll be facing off against chef Jason Quinn of Playground at the OC Fair's Pro Chef vs. Home Cook competition. The idea is sort of a mixture of Chopped and Iron Chef America, where we'll get access to a common pantry and have to incorporate a basket of disparate ingredients into a dish.
The show starts at 5 p.m. and is free with admission to the fair. While I'm planning on showing him what defeat looks like, the judges are serious food people, there's likely to be quite the audience, and it's time to brainstorm ways to ensure victory and make him cry like a little girl on stage.
5. Initiate a foie gras bag check at the participants' entrance.
4. Take him to Adelita's or the Hong Kong Club in Tijuana (some of the last vestiges of the “old” Tijuana with the nasty reputation), steal his passport and wallet, and sneak back across the border while he's distracted.
3. Hire a gaggle of adoring women to admire his tattoos, thus making him late for the competition.
2. Put bacon and heroin in all of my food.
1. Out-cook him, win honestly, and revel in the glory, money, and women.