Name: Cream Collon
Found at: World Market, Huntington Beach
Shortening (grapeseed oil, palm oil), wheat flour, sugar, glucose, lactose, dextrin, concentrated egg powder, cheese powder, invert sugar, milk seasoning, palm oil, corn starch, liquor, salt, high fructose corn syrup, glycerin esters of fatty acids, sucrose esters of fatty acids, propylene glycol esters of fatty acids, lecithin, sorbital, artificial flavor, sodium bicarbonate
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I am delighted to say that the selection of this week's Wacky Snack is not solely attributed to its unfortunate name. Although Cream Collon is a perfect example of Engrish gone hilariously wrong, the actual snack itself is an open invitation for Freudian analysis.
Cream Collon consists of crispy, cylindrical wafers, the centers of which are filled with an off-white substance of semi-solid consistency. Upon aerial inspection these funny little bite-sized morsels look every bit as suggestive as their name.
Despite what you might think, the Japanese writing on the packaging doesn't offer a cultural rationale to explain away the queerness of name choice. If anything, it just complicates it. "Collon" is spelled out in Japanese katakana (an alphabet used for italics or as a signifier for borrowed words) as if to suggest the word is simultaneously exciting and legitimate English. Exciting, though it may be, unless you're talking about a village in Ireland, it ain't English.
Pronounced "ko-ro-n" in Japanese, Cream Collon may not be a spot-on auditory match for what we'd like to hear, it's close enough!