The Five Halloween Candies You Need To Stop Complaining About
Ever wait until the last second to buy candy to give out at Halloween? Gone are the convenient sacks with the Twix, the Kit-Kats, the Snickers, the Milky Ways, the M&Ms... all the stuff kids go for first. No, you're stuck with the second tier, with its Mounds and Almond Joys and Butterfingers, or even worse, the third tier, which has stuff that sounds like it just escaped from a 1960s-era cartoon.
Those candies that are located on the bottom shelf gathering dust at the Circle K, though, are sometimes pretty good. Here are five of the ones that deserve a place in your neighbors' kids pumpkins and pillowcases. (You're not really giving out raisins and nickels and those random strawberry-flavored hard candies--or, worse yet, candy corn--are you?)
5. Now and Laters
You ever notice that you get that acid aftertaste after you eat a pack of Starburst? Well, Now and Laters, for all that they're the candy of choice for cheap bastards who give you exactly one of them, are just like Starburst, except without that cotton mouth that follows.
So many of the old-fashioned candy bars are being swept out by newer candy bars that are pretty much the same thing. A Heath bar, for example, is just a Skor bar without that Scandinavian name. ("And then Skor swung his mighty crispy toffee, center, Buttarr...") Well, Butterfinger isn't like any of them, and it's a crunchy butter-flavored bar that doesn't break your teeth. Well done!
I love Rolos. They're just soft caramel and chocolate. That's it. No nuts, no weird what-is-it-actually cookies, no extraneous crap. Just caramel. And chocolate. And they don't come in "fun size", either... so if you actually get a roll of Rolos, you get quite a lot of that caramel. And chocolate... did we mention the chocolate?
Yeah, they're pretty much only seen covered by half an inch of dust in a movie theater candy display that hasn't been touched since Arnold Schwarzenegger's moobs started deflating, except at Halloween time, when they appear in stores. The thing is, though, that these little chocolate nubs with the white sugar nonpareils will get you on a sugar high faster than anything that doesn't have the word "Pixy" in it. Just don't read the ingredients.
1. Oh Henry!
Nobody ever admits to eating these, because just saying the name sounds like you're having a genteel orgasm in some mansion at a stereotypical Southern plantation, but they're really good. I mean, peanuts, caramel and chocolate... what is not to like here? The problem is finding them fresh, because that caramel will break your teeth if it's been sitting out. Just leave it someplace warm and it'll soften right up.
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