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The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence

Hey! This illustrates this post pretty well.
Hey! This illustrates this post pretty well.

Celebrity chefs aren't always the best cooks. When it's about ratings, being TV pretty is a lot more important than how good your food tastes (especially when your audience isn't actually eating your food). Most celebrity chefs don't even write their own recipes, relying instead on a team of freelance recipe ghost writers who, like any other kind of freelancer, will write most anything if it means a paycheck (Don't be angry at me everybody, I've done it too. That's the life of a sell sword).

So what happens when people write whatever someone will buy? Well. uh. this happens. The five worst celebrity chef recipes in existence.

5. Paula Deen's English Peas

The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence
Food Network

I'm honestly kind of surprised that the Food Network still has Paula Deen's recipes on their website after kicking the cringingly racist Deen off of their network last year, but hey, at least it gives us a chance to remember all the fun, artery-clogging times we had. People like to joke about Deen's love of butter, but she makes it really easy.

I mean, come on. The two ingredient are literally peas and butter. And I don't know what kind of butter she's using, but mine doesn't magically become the white sauce with scallions that the picture so helpfully illustrates.

4. Martha Stewart's Marshmallow Snowflakes

The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence
MarthaStewart.com
The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence
MarthaStewart.com

This is more of an issue with bad web editing than bed recipe writing, but no recipe or.. craft.. plan.. thing, should ever start with what basically is "Step 1, Just make that thing that you want to make, don't worry about it."

  3. Rachael Ray's Late Night Bacon

The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence
Food Network

Man, this had everything a recipe needed to be a winner (namely, bacon), but it just went so wrong. It leaves you with so many questions. Why are you eating just bacon with three other people late at night? If you're going to have to wash plate, why not just fry up some bacon and eat it out of the pan? Worried about bacon hair? Just broil it then. Finally, who in their right mind would ever want to eat microwaved bacon?

So many questions..

2. Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa Cake

The "Edible Hate Crime"
The "Edible Hate Crime"
Food Network

Ah the infamous Sandra Lee Kwanza Cake. The cake that one critic called "an edible hate crime." The ingredients are as follows: angel food cake, chocolate and cinnamon icing, corn nuts, pumpkin seeds, and apple pie filling.

I.. uh.. what? I don't even.. what?

I'm not sure how this recipe made it through an intern, much less a producer.

Anthony Bourdain said it best: "The most terrifying thing I've seen is her making a Kwanzaa cake. Watch that clip and tell me your eyeballs don't burst into flames. It's a war crime on television. You'll scream."

EurWeb actually has an interview with the recipe writer online, so check that out. Sneak preview, why'd she do it? Well, money.

1. Ellie Krieger's Dark Chocolate Snack

The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence
Food Network

:|.

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You can also follow Charles Lam on Twitter @charlesnlam. He's less sardonic there, we swear.


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