At least in China, they provide transportation
At least in China, they provide transportation
Photo by David Baron

The 5 Most Awkward Pizza Deliveries...Ever

Pizza delivery drivers see a lot of shit (figuratively and literally, I'm sure). Drugs? Yup. Sex? Mhmm. Abuse? Unfortunately. The poor drivers really just want to drop off their pizza and hopefully get a tip big enough to cover wear and tear on their car. But no, their jobs can't be easy, as evidenced by a recent AskReddit thread. As always, the replies are mostly better than the OPs, but for your perusing pleasure, these are the five most awkward situations pizza deliverer have ever found themselves in.

5. Nice Purse flamingsnocone:

My first day, first delivery ever. It was to a motel 6. The guy answered wearing red pumps, a purple and black kitty cat thong, and a pink felt blouse. Told him I liked his purse and walked out with a $20 tip :)

4. "Your Boyfriend's Here"


Girl answers the door, and yells to her sister, "your boyfriends here". She comes running down in her bra and underwear. Gets to the door sees a confused looking pizza guy so she screams and runs away while yelling profanities at her sister.

The sister loses it laughing and gives me a $8 tip. Solid deliver 10/10 would deliver again.

Edit: Seeing as this blew up I should clarify, there were no sausage or meatlovers puns. It was a girl in her underwear that I saw for a second and a half, no porno stuff or spank bank material. Y'all need to get out more.

She bitched at her sister after running away but was also laughing. None of it was creepy or anything. Just funny and awkward.

3. ◉_◉ HonoluluBlue4Life:

I've delivered pizzas for 8 years. I've seen it all. People fucking, people doing drugs, naked people, people name it I've seen it. But to this day by far the most awkward thing for me is when the little kid answers the door and just stares at you. Just stares with those beady little kid eyes like they're just looking deep into your soul. And then the parents finally realize that you have their dinner and then they have to look around for money for 5 minutes while this tiny little child is just giving you this stare down to end all stare downs, their eyes never wandering. The parents finally find the damn money and come to the door and they're all like "Oh Johnny did you say hi to the nice man?" And the stare continues.

TL;DR: Beady-eyed child knows my wrong doings.

Edit: Holy shit my first gold! Thank you kind stranger! Or perhaps I should thank Beady-eyed children everywhere...

2. Someone Has a Problem onlysame1:

Once, i was delivering pizza and when I got to the house a guy was hiding in the bushes of the home. He whispers to put the pizza at the bottom of the garbage can outside and then come over to the bushes so he could sign the receipt, etc. Apparently the guy didn't want his wife to know that he had ordered pizza. He ordered regularly and this happened each time.

1. The Rape-iest Non-Rape Joke That's Ever Raped


Not so much awkward as scary but whatever. I'm a girl and when I was delivering pizzas I was around 18-19, pretty scrawny looking thing. Anyways, I had a big delivery to a guys party in his apartment.

The apartment was on the top floor so after hauling about 10 pizzas up three flights of stairs I looked considerably frazzled.

The guy opens the door and there's about 15 men in the apartment and he says I should come in and put them down on the table. Now, I know better than to just enter people's houses but this table was right near the door and there was no way I was going to be able to take the cash with three pizza bags draped over my arms so I take one step towards the table and hear the door slam shut behind me.

He locks the door and says, "we got one" and all these guys start snickering and although it turned out to be a joke (albeit, not a funny one) it was one of the most terrifying moments in my life.

(Seriously though, what the fuck.)

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You can also follow Charles Lam on Twitter @charlesnlam. He's less sardonic there, we swear.


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