A publishing company has bombarded me recently with their Spanish-for-restaurants guide that promises supervisors, owners, waiters, customers–essentially anyone who doesn't speak español–enough fluency to speak with the Mexicans who work at eateries. The guide claims to include more than 1,000 easy-to-employ terms, phrases, words, idioms and the like, all for the low, low, price of more than $50!
RIP-OFF.
Such guides assume Mexican employees learn no English during their time on the job, a ludicrous premise considering the Vietnamese-speaking Mexican waiters at Quan Vy Da. But say you, the non-Spanish-speaking restaurateur or customer, still can't communicate with your Mexis. As a public service, I present the most essential words and phrases you need to make sure your employees/waiters are happy and everything runs smoothly. Everything else, you can pantomime–or, better yet, just ask them in English. You may be surprised how many of them understand.
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For owners to use with their workers:
¡Apúrele!
Translates as: Hurry it up!
Usefulness: Self-explanatory, but it's the formal way of saying it. Show your workers some respect.
Güey
Translates as: Literally, “ass”; figuratively, “guy,” as in “What's up, guy?”
Usefulness: Absolutely necessary to establish camaraderie among Mexican male workers. Call them that instead of their name, they'll do the same to you, and you've established brotherhood. It's a crude word, however, so don't use among ladies or in front of customers–strictly boiler-room diction, güey.
Quédese con la propina
Translates as: “Keep the tip”
Usefulness: Don't be a dick–let your busboys keep any and all tips they receive. And saying it in the formal sense shows you treat your workers as men, not boys.
¡LA MIGRA!
Translates as: IMMIGRATION AGENTS!
Usefulness: If you're a mensch and you know your workers are undocumented, this is the least you can do for them when ICE agents inevitably discover your ruse, like they just did with Chipotle. Yelling this will give workers a heads-up so they can get the hell out of there and leave you with the repercussions. Trust me: Jesús will reward you in the afterlife (this I write while listening to Johnny Cash sing “I Was There When it Happened,” that wonderful tale of salvation, so you KNOW it'll happen).
'Sta Buena Esa
Translation: That's a good-looking chick.
Usefulness: Camaraderie, amigo, camaraderie. To use whenever a hot chick enters the restaurant. Oh, and the elision in the first word is MANDATORY.
Now, some Spanish words for the consumer on the next page:[
Que pique
Translation: Make my food as bloody hot as possible.
Usefulness: Valuable for heat freaks who nevertheless get pico de gallo thrown their way on account of their gabacho-ness. Telling them you want it hotter in English is pointless; saying it in Spanish shows you know the secret to life is a salsa that can disintegrate a safe and puts you in store for the real specials the restaurant offers.
Baño
Translation: Restroom
Usefulness: Obvious, no?
Quédese con el cambio
Translation: Keep the change.
Usefulness: Like the owners, be a mensch–these guys and gals are probably busting minimum wage if they're illegal immigrants, barely that much if they're not.
Translation: Throw me a beer
Usefulness: Cerveza is the proper translation for beer, of course, but familiarity is what gets you better service.
'Sta Buena Esa
Translation: That's a good-looking chick.
Usefulness:
Camaraderie, amigo, camaraderie. To use whenever a hot chick enters the
restaurant. Oh, and the elision in the first word is MANDATORY.
