From 1920 to 1933, America experienced the dark days of Prohibition. Apparently forgetting the lessons taught by those 13 grueling years, America endured a similar dry spell of the nation's lifeblood from 2001 until today, this most historic and glorious of days.
Surge is back, you guys.
The legendary super-soda with a cult following reigned supreme in the late 90s with it's "fully loaded" citrus taste that came with a buzz fit for a rabid monkey, much to the chagrin of parents everywhere.
Sadly, the neon green soda, which looked a bit like carbonated anti-freeze, was ripped from shelves in 2001, leaving children of the 90s the cold, empty, lifeless Millennials of today. Just like the Prohibition of the 20s, a virtual black market for the beverage formed, with expired cans and two-liters sometimes selling on eBay for hundreds of dollars. Fans were even forced to buy bootleg versions of the beverage, like Urge soda from Norway for $12.99 a pop.
This all changed today, when Coca Cola re-released the Great Green God via Amazon today. It sold out near-instantly, but was available only in orders of 12 packs of 16 oz cans. It currently has a perfect 5-star rating and is the #1 best seller in the Grocery category on Amazon.com.
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Surge's return to the market is due to the three Holy Men of the SURGE Movement and their 100,000+ disciples. After their dogged work collecting signatures, calling Coca Cola, and even buying a billboard a half-mile away from Coke's headquarters, the brand finally listened, and the River Surge flows free once more. The admins of the SURGE Movement Facebook page are expected to be canonized shortly.
Just as Repeal Day is celebrated by lushes across the country each Dec. 5, Sept. 15 will forevermore be taught in schools as the day of the Second Coming--the Second Coming of Surge.