Potheads Take Note: DiGiorno Pizza and Toll House Cookies

The evolution of the Toll House cookie is not a pretty sight to see. It started as a recipe on the back of Nestle's Toll House Chocolate Chips, a recipe that I and others have committed indelibly to memory. Then they started offering phallic tubes of premade Toll House cookie dough in the refrigerated section of the market, near the butter and the Claussen pickles. The next step was individual cookies laid out in oven-ready trays.

Evidently, that wasn't convenient enough for the average American consumer. Now, the cookie dough is packaged in a single box with DiGiorno frozen pizza. Throw the pizza in the oven, and then bake the cookies while you sit back and gawp at the 50-inch TV screen on the wall.

Never mind that Toll House cookies are one of the easiest recipes to make with children; never mind that you don't get any control over the ingredients (though, to be fair, most of the ingredients can be found in a home kitchen, except things such as HFCS). There are, theoretically, six servings of pizza and six servings of cookies in a package.

The box contains a total of between 3,420 and 3,900 calories, with six servings per box. When was the last time you were sated by one-sixth of a pizza and two small cookies? Yet that serving will set you back between 570 and 650 calories, depending on what kind of pizza you get--exactly what an adult, sedentary man would require at dinner.

Still, if you're a pothead, this is the most awesome invention ever. All you have to do is light the oven successfully and not burn the house d . . . oh, wait, sorry. Never mind.


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