A creature of habit am I: Saturday mornings mean coffee and a roll at Peet's in Campus Plaza in Irvine, the farmers' market and then bits and bobs to round out the week's shopping at Trader Joe's, Wholesome Choice and anywhere else I need to go.
I always hear interesting conversation at the farmers' market, but this Saturday, as people rolled in fresh off the New Year's resolution truck, it was better than usual. Read on for the quotes and a heaping helping of snark from me.
"Why is there DIRT on everything?"
"If I buy a cake at the farmers' market, it's healthy, right?"
I totally need to try this one at h... oh, hi, sweetie.
"Ugh, why are there fucking vegetables everywhere? Now I actually have to eat healthier!"
Sorry, the bacon-cheeseburger stand was off this week for its annual myocardial infarction.
Etnies-clad guy #1: "Dude. There is FREE FOOD back there."
Etnies-clad guy #2: "Dude. There is free food EVERYWHERE. It's a farmers' market, idiot."
Wingmen often are called upon to deliver blinding flashes of the obvious.
"This is the express lane and you have a whole cart full. So are you illiterate, or just rude?"
Good to see other expat East Coasters haven't lost their touch, either.
"Are your eggs, like, eggs from those chickens that don't get locked up like I saw on Channel 4?"
The big sign that says CAGE FREE didn't give you a hint? Where is the expat New Yorker from the last item when I need her?
"God, all I wanted was some peaches."
Just got off the plane from Sydney, did you?
"These strawberries are really expensive. I saw them at the farmers' market for $5 a three-pack. Will you price match?"
Or you could just walk across the plaza and buy the local, better-quality, organic strawberries.
"I don't want fruit from there, it's Mexicans. Can't we buy fruit from someone that speaks English?"
Short answer: No.
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"So if a stranger in a booth offers him candy it's not OK, but if the same stranger offers him a strawberry, it's suddenly OK? Who are you, Glenda the Bipolar Health Fairy?"
"Glenda the Bipolar Health Fairy" is the phrase of the day. Use it in a sentence today!
"They're all either fat or gay. Straight hot guys don't shop at the farmers' market."
Yes, we do, but sadly, we're all taken by women without penchants for overgeneralization.