Senator Shortey
Senator Shortey
OK State Senate website

Oklahoma Senator Wants to Ban Fetuses as Food

Soylent Green will not be manufactured in Oklahoma. Not if that state senator Ralph Shortey gets his way. The freshman Republican introduced a bill this week in the state legislature "prohibiting the sale or manufacture of food or products which contain aborted human fetuses." So anyone out there planning on marketing human balut or roasting up a suckling person better steer clear of the Sooner State.

We weren't aware that eating human fetuses was even a thing, and we have watched a lot of Bourdain and Zimmern shows. 4 out of 5 cannibals we surveyed said, "Eeeeeeewww! That's gross" to this report (not really, we made that up).

Perhaps Mr. Shortey should have an etiological conversation with his spiritual advisers: when does cannibalism begin? At birth, or at conception?

The Associated Press reports that the Senator proposed the bill even though he is not aware of any company using such a practice, and that other Republican senators in the legislature openly criticized Shortey's attention-grabbing waste of time.

AP writer Sean Murphy reports, "First elected in 2010 to a heavily Hispanic district on the city's south side, Shortey has grabbed headlines with other bills he's introduced, though none have become law. He sponsored a measure last year to crack down on illegal immigrants by authorizing law enforcement to seize their homes and vehicles, and to deny Oklahoma citizenship to babies born to illegal immigrants."

Good luck on that re-election bid, Senator. Maybe you can win back the electorate by taking a stand on a much more pressing issue: the marriage rights of mixed vampire-werewolf couples and their welfare rights, you know, because their entitlements would never end. You're welcome. Please pay my consulting invoice before November.

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