New York Board of Health Bans Large-Format Sodas, Cures Obesity

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg of the City of New York would like you to know that the obesity crisis has reached its end, thanks to the genius of his Board of Health.

You see, the chief driver behind obesity is extra-large sugary sodas, not lack of exercise and portions that could feed entire provinces in Africa; people drink 48 ounces of soda from a cup and don't realize that if the grains of table sugar contained in that Super Big Swig or whatever were spread out in a single layer, it'd look like snow over Brooklyn.

The solution? Ban serving sizes larger than 16 fluid ounces (473 mL), but don't ban self-service soda dispensers. You see, then, in order to drink 48 ounces of soda, the obese patron will have to get up to refill twice, and depending how far away the soda fountain is and how fast they move, it will totally burn off the extra calories from those 32 ounces of extra soda. Genius, you see?

Of course, taxing soda would have killed two birds with one stone with pretty much exactly the same amount of government over-reach...

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