You don't know how hard it is for me to keep a straight face as I write this because, c'mon, I'm sure you're also chortling at the very idea of buying your loved ones (or even your not-so-loved-ones) gifts from the 99-Cent-Only Store.
I could justify such a list as you're about to read with the usual spiel about the economy, yadda, yadda, but I won't. Here's a more compelling argument: Most of the products that I feature here are actually being sold elsewhere for significantly more than 99 cents.
Are you still laughing?
6. Iron Chef America Kitchen Wipes
You may not be able to cook like an Iron Chef, but you can clean like one (or at least like one of their low-paid assistants)? There are three kinds: an all-purpose wipe, one for granite counter tops, and one for stainless-steel surfaces. The price for each 24-pack of wipes? You guessed it: 99 cents.
5. Dyno Bowl
Is the product of your loins a clumsy toddler? Here's a bowl that grips onto the table top via bottom-mounted suction cups that will withstand the abuse of your fussy eater. Amazon.com has this very model for $5.50.
4. Salad Container
It has got a fork! It has a separate (and detachable) dressing compartment! And all of it is inset in a handsome lidded bowl that's available in three colors (red, green and blue). Amazon.com charges $9.99 for it, and it just goes up from there.
3. Adjustable Measuring Spoon
A great idea and a space saver if you've ever wrestled with the usual keychain-like wad of measuring spoons -- and an even better one when you can get it for 99 cents. Amazon.com sells a similar model for $11.54.
2. Thermal Bag
The insulative properties of an Igloo without the bulk! This ample-spaced bag can keep a six-pack of beer cool or large box of pizza warm. Amazon retails these suckers (which also describes those who'd pay that price) at $12.99.
1. Clever Cracker
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Probably the silliest kitchen gadget of all time, the Clever Cracker can be yours for 99 cents. But wait, there's more! (This part should be spoken in the best infomercial intonation you can muster.) Included free is the Clever Scrambler! All for the unbelieveable price of NOT the $4.25 that Amazon charges! My sympathies if you paid more for this when it was originally sold on TV.
For the closest 99-Cent-Only Store to you, visit 99only.com.