Five Rules for Waiting for a Table

This is a message to all the self-important, self-centered douchebags out there causing scenes in the lobbies of restaurants: We are the other people waiting for tables, and we don't give a wet fart what time your reservation was for.

Things happen in restaurants, things that cause even the most carefully planned seating plan to go wrong, and you standing up there huffing and puffing and turning red in the face about how this doesn't happen in quality restaurants doesn't help matters; it just makes you look like a giant hemorrhoid and pisses off the front-of-house folks, who decide where you sit.

5. Leave a pathway to the host desk.

Once you check in, get out of the way. Seriously, move. If someone has to ask you if you've already checked in, you're in the way. Sit in the seats, if there are any; wait outside, unless it's bad weather; just make yourself inconspicuous (but reachable in case the front desk needs you). In fact, if the restaurant is equipped with one, it's best to . . .

4. Wait in the bar.

Like so many things in life, waiting for a table in a busy restaurant is quicker with liquor. Mosey over to the bar and order a beer, a glass of wine or a cocktail. Make sure you tell the front desk where you are; it'll save them wearing out their voice shouting your name into the oppressive cacophony of the lobby. If you do order a drink, though, find out whether you can have your tab transferred to your table; don't just assume it can be.



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