In the 1990s, Hypercolor made the T-shirt a lesson in science. Crazy Shirts got colorful and dyed clothing with chili and chocolate. Nowadays, there's even a way to make your wardrobe work for you. Better than Spanx, these are undergarments spiked with special ingredients to fight those muffin tops, chicken skin and orange peel!
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The Lytess shapewear line features women's articles with pricing as high as a prix-fixe lunch for five at Marche Moderne. The award for “Trying to Imitate a Britney Trend” goes to its Micromassage Arm Sleeves. Athletes might consider them compression arm sleeves with benefits. But how do they work exactly? It's quite a recipe, let me tell you.
The patented micromassaging fabric has tiny caffeine-infused capsules knit into it. These BURST when you move, releasing a nourishing cocktail of anti-aging products onto the epidermis. Sounds like a Project Runway/Top Chef tag-team bubblewrap elimination challenge. Mango butter has regenerative qualities. Sweet almond hydrates tired skin. Flavenger (not accepted by Words With Friends, unfortunately) is actually Japanese pagoda-tree extract. There's more, but those were the only ones I could pronounce.
If caffeine possesses anti-inflammatory qualities, then how much is in there? We have no idea. That information is what industry insiders call a trade secret. What we do know is that garments will maintain their effectiveness for no less than 30 washings. After sporting shapewear for the recommended 40 hours per week, results of up to a 46 percent reduction in orange peel (cheeky lingo for cellulite) were reported.
That's a lotta dough to spend on looking slimmer than you really are. I'll stick to my cardis and cargo pants.
A contributing writer for OC Weekly, Anne Marie freelances for multiple online and print publications, and guest judges for culinary competitions. A Bay Area transplant, she graduated with a degree in Hospitality Management from Cal Poly Pomona. Find her on Instagram as brekkiefan.