Subject: Paris Hilton

• The Los Angeles Times is Stupid (Canto MCXVI)

  It's painful picking up the Los Angeles Times every morning and notice it's getting lighter every week. While they're doing this, however, their Chicago pendejo overseers are spending mucho millions on how to attract more readers. Their supposed salvation: Mexicans. If so, why in God's green earth would they axe La Cucaracha, the pinche funny comic strip drawn by legendary pocho Lalo Alcaraz??? It's one of the precious few comic strips in Latino USA drawn by Latinos and that deal with Latino is

  March 5, 2007

• Free crap that came in the mail

  You think these are cupcakes. But in fact, they are "Beasley Poppers," and Paris Hilton likes them. In the interests of objectivity, since they were sent to me for some reason -- most likely because of my stunning resemblance to Paris Hilton -- I recuse myself from reviewing them, and instead defer to some of my fellow staffers. Gustavo Arellano [making a shrugging gesture]: "Mm-ph." Derek Olson: "It's diabetilicious." Janine Kahn: "Things taste better when they're free." Vickie Chang:

  May 30, 2007

• Monday's Haul

  Save our gay bar: Gay activists are reaching out to George Clooney and Brad Pitt, asking that the actors buy Laguna Beach's Boom Boom Room—which is on its way to becoming a boutique hotel. Darn it: The Daily Pilot just snagged itself a new managing editor. We're still turning over rocks for one over here. Stabbing suspect arrested: A suspect in a three-person slashing at Dana Point was arrested in Long Beach yesterday night, reports the Times. Paris checks in early: Scared and stripp

  June 4, 2007

• The media and the heiress

  June 8, 2007

• Oh, those crazy Angelenos

  June 26, 2007

• Del Taco: Chicken-Checkers

  So I'm cruising over the 241 toll road Monday listening to the Angels-Yankees game on 710, when a Del Taco commercial drifts over the airwaves. There's some blah-blah-blah, and then the ad does exactly what the Lake Forest-based fauxMex chain's marketing department hopes it'll do: It gets my attention with the words "chicken-checkers." As in they check their chicken to make sure it's of high quality (or something like that — I was driving, couldn't take notes). Then the voice-overs keep re

  August 21, 2007

• Crabs Gone The Way Of The Dodo?

  Thanks to the ever-popular Brazilian bikini wax, crabs (public lice) are quite possibly the next critters to make it to the endangered species list. The Brazilian wax removes most or all of the hair from a woman’s, um, southern region. Since crabs need hair to survive, pubic enemy number one has nowhere to go. The crabs’ possible endangerment came about during a study at a Dutch museum, where scientists could not find anyone to donate a single louse. Scientists now fear for the insect’s

  October 30, 2007

• Strictly ballrooms

  Am I really supposed to be here? The event: A party for the reopening of the ballrooms in the Anaheim Hilton, and the ongoing renovations (“Redressed for Success”) in all the rooms. The guests: Rich businesspeople, mostly wearing suits that look like they cost several months worth of my salary. And me, in my Spawn shirt from Hot Topic. The bar: open. Featured drinks include various pomegranate cocktails, which I try before realizing that there's 12 year-old Scotch. And some kind of high

  November 8, 2007

• Because You're Ugly: Paris Hilton To Launch Shoe Line At South Coast Plaza

  Following in Jessica Simpson's patent leather footsteps, Paris Hilton is launching a shoe line. You know, in addition to her perfume line, clothing line, um... singing and acting career (cough). Orange County fans can preview the line at South Coast Plaza's Macy's next month from Feb. 1-8. The first 200 people to purchase a pair will get a chance to meet Hilton during the department store's official launch on Feb. 8 from 3-6 p.m. Signed with Antebi Footwear Group, the line will include stile

  January 15, 2008

• Stars and Strife

  September 1, 2005

• Skwinkles Salsagheti

  Name: Skwinkles Salsagheti Origin: Mexico Found at: Bodega "R" Ranch, Tustin Cost: $2.99 for 12 count box Ingredients: Straws: Corn Syrup, Wheat Flour, Sugar, Dextrose, Sorbitol, Citric Acid, Partially Hidrogenated [sic] Vegetable Oil, Chili Powder, Glycerin, Iodized Salt, Wheat Fiber, Sodium Lactate, Lactic Acid, Sodium Citrate, Malic Acid, Artifical Flavor, Mono and Diglicerides, Lecitin Soy [sic], Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate (To Maintain Freshness), Colors FD&C (Red 40, Yel

  November 3, 2008

• ¡Ask a Mexican!®

  January 3, 2008

• Looking Back at 2008: The Ecstasy and the Irony

  This is not a look back at disgraced Sheriff Mike Carona, the Little Sheriff, the Debs, the Little Debbie Snack, the Freeway Complex Fire, Rick Warren, Wiley Drake, any lantern-jawed preacher with the last name of Schuller, pedo-priests, the 241 toll road extension, Proposition 8, fluctuating gasoline prices, the mortgage meltdown or the havoc that phenomenon wreaked. No, these are 15 stories from 2008 that may have fallen through the cracks were it not for the wonders of online archives and sl

  December 31, 2008

• [Trendzilla] Swimsuits? In February? Yep

  February 19, 2009

• Artistic Endowment

  July 17, 2008

• [Trendzilla] Skanky Club Clothing vs. Classy-But-Still-Hot, Plus the Re-Emergence of the Star Trend

  April 24, 2008

• !Ask a Mexican!(r)

  November 22, 2007

• Moving Units

  December 16, 2004

• Attack of the 50-ft. Commercials!

  Abandon all hope: there's no escape from movie product placements

  August 4, 2005

• Why 'Torture Porn' Isn't

  September 6, 2007

• Trendzilla

  Ass-branding

  February 22, 2007

• This Week in Geek Love

  December 29, 2005

• Die for Famous Country Singers Oil

  August 11, 2005

• Just Like Us!

  Anyone can be an American Idolbut a star? Not so much

  August 24, 2006

• Live From Earthquake Central!

  WikicommonsYou know what's funny? Earthquake coverage. To be specific: coverage of moderate earthquakes. NPR's coverage of the devastating Chengdu tremor in 2008 can be called many things, but not "funny" isn't one of them.When a 4.7 quake hits Southern California, as one did last night, you have to expect a certain level of hilarity from news outlets. They're trying to report on an event that everyone knows happened, that everyone knows had few real effects, and that everyone knows happened yes

  May 18, 2009

• Trendzilla

  Small, yappy dogs
  

  March 15, 2007

• Commie Girl

  August 10, 2006

• The Cutest Damn Thing You'll Ever See

  Sixth-Annual Haute Dog Howloween

  October 26, 2006

• Gotta Lotta Money

  November 30, 2006

• Diary of a Mad County

  September 14, 2006

• Live Review

  August 31, 2006

• Why We Work

  August 31, 2006

• Commie Girl

  May 25, 2006

• Aug. 25 - Sept. 1

  August 25, 2005

• KILL YOUR FANS

  July 21, 2005

• 'Not to Seem Too Critical or Unsympathetic . . .'

  June 23, 2005

• Diary of a Mad County

  June 2, 2005

• 'It's Getting Scary'

  March 10, 2005

• Soulicious

  February 10, 2005

• Vagina

  February 3, 2005

• Parts Is Parts

  February 3, 2005

• Eau De Toilette

  December 9, 2004

• Arm Candy

  November 18, 2004

• Kids These Days

  May 27, 2004

• Of Mice and Menstruation

  February 5, 2004

• I Love Paris in the Meantime

  January 1, 2004

• Paris Hilton, Pinot Noir & Moi

  December 4, 2003

• Suds for Studs

  October 9, 2003

• Clubbed!

  August 14, 2003

• Dishney: Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique

  Scott Brinegar/Disneyland Studio Disney 365With the recent announcement of the July 2009 Downtown Disney arrival of overpriced-boutique-to-the-stars (and their privileged offspring) Kitson Kids, it seems to us that Disney's starting to cater to--and cultivate--a whole new sect of Paris Hilton-obsessed youth. Located in the Sleeping Beauty Castle Courtyard inside the Disneyland park, Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique opened its doors to the public in mid-April. The store offers "aspiring young princesses

  July 8, 2009