I have a tortured relationship with most of my alma maters. I speak at high schools across Southern California before assemblies and classes, yet have spoken at Anaheim High but once since I graduated in 1997--and when I did, my former biology teacher ridiculed my decision to work for the Weekly. Earlier this year, I visited Orange Coast College for the first time since leaving in 1999. I got banned from a press conference at Chapman University (B.A., Film Studies, 2001) for daring to write that
