Subject: Cosmetic Medicine

• What I Learned From The Real Housewives of Orange County

  We heard it out of the mouth of one of the Bravo reality program's OC bimbots last night: "Eight-five percent of the women around here have had boob jobs." Goodness, gracious, someone inform the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Because their median income numbers are WAAAAAYYYYY off if 85 percent of Orange County women, adult women presumably, can afford the -- what? -- $5,000 for a boob job.* #$ * Or, $2,499 at Weekly advertiser OC Cosmetic Surgery Clinique.@ #$ Or, $599.99 at Dr. Nick Rivie

  March 14, 2006

• The "Real" Housewives of Orange County

  Well, this week the housewives were pretty fucking boring. I mean, way more boring than usual. I know it's hard to be more pointless than they already are, but somehow they managed. I really wonder what these women think when they get out of bed in the morning. Do they think their lives are somehow more important or relevant than others' simply because they are on television? It certainly seems that way, at least for some of them. Take Tamra for example. She is one shit-talking, self-obsessed,

  January 9, 2008

• Are OC Women brain dead?

  From its pompous East Coast perch on high, the New York Post this morning slammed Orange County's women as “brain dead.” Columnist Adam Buckman writes that Bravo channel's new “The Real Housewives of New York City” is an “obnoxious” show that “in no way represents the vast majority of women” in Manhattan. According to Buckman, folks around the nation will now believe wrongly that his city is on “breast implant and face- lift” par with Orange County. “Thanks, Bravo, for bri

  March 3, 2008

• Register Atrocity of the Day

  From the Reggie's In Your Face blog, which, as it says, is all about "Cosmetic medicine, celebrities, and you:" The world's most powerful Botoxed celebrities Y'know, I've just realized why so many of the Reggie's blogs are so hard to find -- this one isn't even on the main blog list on their site. It's like the enslaved, blinded associates over there are so humiliated at what the Reggie has become, they're trying to cover up the more egregious examples of pseudo-journalistic idiocy. And...her

  June 12, 2008

• Irvine magazine "Live OC" picks the Mets in the baseball playoffs

  A handful of upstart publications have made rather determined efforts over the years to compete with the Weekly during our 13-year existence---I'd stick yet another fork in the rancid corpse of the Register's embarrassing Squeeze OC right about here, except at this point its bones have rotted down to a fine powder. These days, though, it seems there are more out there than ever, none of which can even get close enough to us to (insert potentially offensive gratuitous sexual metaphor of your cho

  October 7, 2008

• The "Real" Housewives of Orange County - The Return

  We knew it was too good to be true. But much like Jay Z's rap career, the series end of the "Real" Housewives of OC was a big fat lie. Their fourth season premiered last night and it is destined to be shittier than the last... if that's even possible. Two major changes: Tammy is gone for good and Quinn (the cougar) has been replaced by Gretchen, a 30-year-old from Detroit who makes all of the other ladies feel uncomfortable because she's so much more attractive than they are. She even has real

  November 26, 2008

• Because You're Ugly: Orange County Puts Vanity on Hold

  Orange County? Postponing implants and Botox? The New York Times is reporting that in Orange County, "where plastic surgery is a part of [our] culture" (sigh), business is down 30 to 40 percent.  The story chalks it up to both financial constraints and, surprisingly, even a "Botox backlash"--men and women finally disparaging the unnatural, plastic look cosmetic surgeries all too often generates.  And more good news for your Friday afternoon: Other researchers are finding that less sex, more

  December 19, 2008

• Club Pick: Beads for Boobs (Crush Thurs.) @ V20, Feb. 26

  Well here's an interesting take on Mardi Gras. This Thursday, the Long Beach night club V20 is giving club goers a chance to win two new best friends in a Naw'lins-style bead collecting contest. The event is hosted by Pure Evolution Productions, a resident band of party promoters that are usually able to give drunken twenty-somethings an appropriate bang for their buck. As an added bonus to the already-popular Crush Thursdays event, those looking for a deal on some New Year's knockers are e

  February 25, 2009

• It's a Quick Read 19

  Orange County Register: Yvonne Pampellonne--who it must be noted, based on her DMV mugshot, "That's a man, baby"--is wanted by Huntington Beach Police for grand theft fake boobies. Okay, technically the 30-year-old is accused in a $20,000 arrest warrant of stealing another woman's identity to open a line of credit to pay for breast implants and cosmetic surgery. Dr. 90210 beware! . . . Anaheim coppers' surveillance of the poor may be illegal under federal law, acco

  March 24, 2009

• Welcome to the Poorhouse: Saggy Man Boobs Edition

  Whenever they's a wrinkle eating away at vain people, I'll be there. Whenever they's a cop not doing a double take as a pair of hooters goes by, I'll be there. . . .. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're in a gentleman's club an' I'll be in the way trophy wives laugh when they're gossiping about their nannies' flat butts an' they know their celery, parsley and air lunch's ready. An' when folks smile like the Joker an' can't shut their eyes when they sneeze--why, I'll be there.To think I tho

  March 26, 2009

• [Hey, You!] Breaking the Circle of Life

  February 26, 2009

• Troubled Plastic Surgeon Brian West Tries to Get a Restraining Order Against a Former Patient

  August 14, 2008

• Smile Like You Mean It

  January 10, 2008

• Under Wraps

  Many of Dr. Brian West's patients didn't know he was in the state medical board's substance-abuse-diversion program. At least six of them claim they're paying the price

  January 10, 2008

• Summer Smart Growth

  Make sure those D cups runneth over

  June 7, 2007

• Yes, Vagina, There is a Santa Claus

  Even for battle-worn sluts, genitals are a difficult thing to contend with

  December 14, 2006

• Infinite Chest

  October 19, 2006

• Diary of a Mad County

  March 23, 2006

• 'I Am the Epitome of Reality'

  January 26, 2006

• Diary of a Mad County

  November 7, 2002

• How Jesse Became Jessica

  August 8, 2002

• Shoot Me Now

  May 9, 2002

• You Look Super!

  May 9, 2002

• Holiday Mammaries

  December 20, 2001

• Modern Medicine

  December 2, 1999

• Show Stopper

  October 29, 1998

• [Trendzilla] Buy an Eyelash

  August 20, 2009

• Breaking News Shocker: Gretchen Rossi Will Not Get a Boob Job

  These Real Housewives' are real!​Fox News has just broken this jaw-dropping exclusive: Gretchen Rossi will not get a boob job. REPEAT: NO NEW BOOBS FOR GRETCHEN ROSSI! Oh, the humanity! Seriously, what happened to humanity?

  October 7, 2009