Watching The Guardian, you will learn that the U.S. Coast Guard's rescue swimmers rank among the bravest and least heralded of military personnel, selflessly hurling themselves into raging currents or hurricane swells to save a single human life. But I doubt that even these knights in neoprene armor could rescue an audience from The Guardian's torrent of watery cliches. Here's a few for starters: the grizzled Senior Chief swimmer (Kevin Costner) who arrives home from work one day to find his neglected wife (Sela Ward) moving out; the deadly snafu at sea and ensuing post-traumatic stress that send our hero from the stormy Bering to a tranquil teaching post; the cocky young cadet (Ashton Kutcher) who we know is a wise-ass because he's the only recruit who shows up for boot camp sporting aviator shades; the comely townie (Melissa Sagemiller) who's only interested in "casual" relationships, having been burned by her share of hot-shot aqua jocks. And that's just the first 20 minutes! By the time it's over—two full hours later—we will have witnessed countless ooo-ra! training montages, Kutcher's getting of manly wisdom, Costner's transformation from Yoda-like guru to messianic martyr, and more false endings than the last Lord of... More >>>