NEWS ITEM: 'Tis the season of H1N1, so Santas are being told to remove the gloves and wash their hands as much as possible ("Every time you hear a bell, Santa should pump a shot of Purell"), while warnings are being issued about flu buggies and other germs that can live for hours in the jolly fat men's suits, laps and flowing white beards.
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INSTA-PUNDITRY: Can you imagine what kind of crap the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Santa will trudge from New York City when his 25-city tour stops at the Mission Viejo Macy's on Dec. 5? All kids are encouraged to come meet Herr Kringle, and it is for a good cause--a month's worth of Macy's events benefitting the Make a Wish Foundation. Still, better dress the little ones in Hazmat gear, moms.