Which Burger Joints Can Homophobes Trust?

Don’t laugh. This is a serious question for Reverend Wiley Drake, pastor of the First Southern Baptist Church in Buena Park. Early Sunday morning, Drake, with assistance from the American Family Association (AFA), launched what he hopes will be a nationwide boycott of McDonald's.

Its sin? The company refused an AFA demand that it remove its name from the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce website and—in a senseless salute to Satan—also allowed “an openly homosexual” McDonald's executive to sit on the chamber’s board of directors.

“This boycott is not about hiring homosexuals, or homosexuals eating at McDonald's, or how homosexual employees are treated,” Drake wrote in an e-mail. “It’s about McDonald’s, as a corporation, choosing to put the full weight of their corporation behind promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.”

(I wonder if the AFA will reprimand Drake for gross incompetence: He crammed the word “homosexual” a mere five times into two sentences.)

This situation prompted Drake at 7:40 a.m. on Sunday to declare that he will “personally send a $5 gift card from Burger King to each person that [sic] sends a complete [anti-McDonald's] petition with 10 supporters of the boycott.” And he offered to give any individual or organization that joins the boycott “priority to come on any of my five world wide radio shows to share the Lord’s leading in your life.”

How about that, Mr. Snerdly?

But by 4:49 p.m. that same day, someone named “Nedd” notified Drake that his Burger King slap at McDonald's was ill-conceived: “You might wish to know Burger King gave between $5K and $10K to the Gay & Lesbo [sic] Task Force back in February.”

Say it ain't so! Burger King too? Part of the Lavender Empire that’s scheming to takeover schools, sports, the military and now corporate America! Isn’t there any national fast food burger joint willing to openly spurn gays? Wiley, your gaydar is off. Here was your hint . . . [see image].

Dejected but still determined, Drake sent another e-mail. “Might have to change to a Wendy’s gift card,” he wrote. “Anyone have any suggestions?”

Holy cow, Wiley. Are you seated on a cushioned church pew? In May 2006, Wendy’s caved into the dark side. The company announced that it had added a nondiscrimination policy with written protections for gay and lesbian employees.

Perhaps Dairy Queen has gift certificates.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly


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